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Story: The Mousetrap
Posted on Thursday April 08, 2004 at 21:59 by syrinx |  |
Season: Alternate Universe
Genre: Humour, Mystery
Rated: PG Status: Completed
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With his wife away visiting her parents, all Lord Chiba wants is to keep the household running smoothly until she returns. But late one night, a woman, claiming to be Lady Mizuno, arrives at his door with no companions, plenty of luggage, and one very big secret.
Chiba has never met his wife's childhood friend, and Nephrite and Zoisite have their doubts that she is who she says she is. Can Chiba figure out what's bothering the butler, keep the cook from killing the cat, and find out who his mysterious guest really is, all before Lady Chiba returns?
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This is an AU story, set in England of the late 1920's, and I think you'll like it. There are a few characters in this one that don't often get much fanfiction time, (e.g. Momoko, Rubeus, Umino, and others).
This story is complete as of December, 2006! (Thank you Ice Princess and Aglaia!)
Number of Chapters: 13 Total Size: 325k Word Count: 58,603
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 |  |  |  | Absolutely perfect. I've been following this story for a while and been waiting (hoping, praying) for a good ending - and you came through in every way. I was surprised all over the place and I love how the suspense and mystery was dragged out till the very end. Everything makes sense. I'm so glad cause its slightly annoying when an author makes a mistake! Didn't happen here.
I particularly enjoyed Momoko - her character really is charming and while I was worried about what Ann might do to her, I'm not anymore. She can take care of herself.
Thank you for all the time and care that went into this masterpiece - it's truly a well written work that I'll be comming back to re-read again someday. Beautiful! |
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 |  |  |  |  | | Anonymous - Sunday January 14, 2007 at 18:40 |  |
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 |  |  |  | I think of the classics, the women who write suspense and make it their own. With this, I got the feeling all over again after reading a fave novel. Simply wonderful Syrinx. I imagine you will dazzle us again...please go for it! M. |
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 |  |  |  |  | | Rakusa - Thursday January 04, 2007 at 10:32 |  |
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 |  |  |  |  | | Loki - Tuesday January 02, 2007 at 16:13 |  |
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 |  |  |  | What an incredible story!
WISE, The Mouse Trap has all the mystery, suspense, drama and a lot of humor tossed into the mix, and it is, in the classic way a fabulous tale, or in the words of Luna...tail! LOL That cat was amazing, and I loved how she drew the attention of everyone in that unforgettable moment in the final chapter.
I was also moved by Ami and her plight, and the story has so much wisdom about trust, love, loyalty and shows us that vulnerability often gives way to a strength most of us do not realize we have until the time is right and we find our way with a little help from a friend.
Anne and Mimmette I thought got mostly their just desserts, although, a good kick up the rear would have gone down well and a hasty retreat from the estate for their behavior, but I took that as read, that Usagi would deal with them appropriately.
The Mouse Trap itself, who would have thought, I will say no more, and leave that for readers to discover, I loved that touch at the end.
The characters were truly memorable, like old friends, vibrant and alive, the characterisation was rich and the way you choreographed the narrative, sheer brilliance. It was superb!
I am sure that if you do write a sequel, it will be magic! In fact, anything you put pen to paper, or fingertip to keyboard, will be absolutely fantastic!
How often do we, as readers find a gem so beautifully told and written, how often, too do we find a classic completed from start to finish -- kudos for this also. This is a story worth the investment of time to lose yourself and I know many have and will continue to enjoy your work, Syrinx! Salutations! *hands you a diamond studded silver silver pen between the paws of Luna and a pink rose and bows* L. |
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 |  |  |  |  | | spud - Wednesday December 27, 2006 at 07:00 |  |
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 |  |  |  | No! It CAN'T be the end! What about getting Ann and Mimette fired? About getting Ami and Zoicite together at last? BUt it was a wonderful story, and thank you for writing it and for posting it up for everyone to read. |
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 |  |  |  |  | | Bakayaro - Wednesday December 27, 2006 at 06:17 |  |
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 |  |  |  | Oh! How wonderful! I absolutely loved it. Are you writing an epilouge also? If you are I can't wait to read it.
Poor Ami. :( |
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 |  |  |  | Absolutely brilliant! I liked how everything comes apart all at once. How fitting that after building such complex patterns and all the secret plotting, it all bursts out into the open at once. I can't wait for the next chapter to see what on earth happens next. That was a very evil place to finish the chapter. I love it! |
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 |  |  |  | Ahhh, you've completely slain me! And I thought -I- loved cliffhangers! =P Yeah, I didn't see that one coming either, you got me good. Good job as always, I'm looking forward to the next chapter! |
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 |  |  |  |  | | Loki - Wednesday December 06, 2006 at 03:59 |  |
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 |  |  |  | The masterstroke of writing genius!
WISE, I was impressed by the timing of this story, over-all it has moved so fluidly, each nuance, shift in dramatic intensitty, the humor, the suspense, and in this chapter it all comes full-circle and we find ourselves pulled inextricably into the heart of this brilliant narrative, the moment of truth arrives and what a cliff-hanger! Beautifully written and imagery stunning as always! *hands you a bunch of pink roses and silver crystal pen and bows* L. |
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 |  |  |  |  | | Bakayaro - Tuesday December 05, 2006 at 20:56 |  |
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 |  |  |  | Why is the Andrew blaming Darien and the other's for Ami's pregnancy? Surely she hasn't been in the house for 3 months?
I'm sure that the questions will be unravled in the next chapter. I'm really looking forward to it. :) |
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 |  |  |  |  | | spud - Tuesday December 05, 2006 at 05:47 |  |
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 |  |  |  | Oh that was brilliant but extremely cruel! For every one answer there are another ten questions...and the cliffhanger! At least we now know that it really is Ami...but that's pretty much all that's certain. Wow, that chapter was SOOO amazingly good! I loved the way Anne and Mimette spill the beans, and I VERY badly hope that they get fired, ditto with Rubeus. I feel so sorry for Mimoko, and for Ami. At least Zoicite and Ami have started something, and I hope something more develops between them. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE update soon! I'm DYING for the next chapter, I HAVE to know what happens! Looking for ward for the day...and great work. |
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 |  |  |  | Please, please tell me she's going to give them all a piece of her mind ... |
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 |  |  |  | Yay, another chapter!! Please keep them coming!!! |
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 |  |  |  | Do I really even need to say anything Syrinx? ^_^
This is probably my favorite story for many reasons. It's excellently written, with great characterization and description, wonderful flow and a unique and developed plot and subplots. I really enjoy how you've melded unusually characters of SM into this world as well.
And I just love the mystery, suspense, tension between certain boys and a certain girl ^_^ and humor you've obviously taken your time to create. Good job!
*patiently waits for more* hehe |
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 |  |  |  |  | | Bakayaro - Thursday October 05, 2006 at 03:42 |  |
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 |  |  |  | It's been so long since you've updated! :\ I was sort of hoping this would be the last chapter... I was just inquiring, would you be posting the next chapter any time soon? |
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 |  |  |  |  | | Loki - Monday October 02, 2006 at 14:16 |  |
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 |  |  |  | a beautifully complex weft
WISE: Oh, Syrinx, this is so good. The schemeing and the plotting, suspense and intrigue...this chapter has brought things to a new peek and has me wanting more!
Luna was gorgeous as always, but I was worried for the little black kitty there, she is a clever one. All the intricate strands are coming together beautifully. The characters are vivid, alive and palpable.
Another stroke of genius and skill from your hand, Lady Syrinx!
*hands you a bunch of roses tied with a sapphire colored ribbon and bows* l. |
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 |  |  |  | Well, this just gets better and better, doesn't it?
Your use of the language is wonderful and the vocabulary doesn't seem forced. It fits naturally. I love it.
I will have trouble waiting for chapter 10 though. I hope it doesn't take as long as chapter 9 did. :) |
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 |  |  |  | I feel ridiculous admitting this but I want to scream in excitement! I was completely thrilled to find The Mousetrap again - It's been a while since I last read it but its one of those amazing stories that you just keep an eye out for and hope you find it updated.
Your characters are wonderful. I love the way the men play off each other- good friends who know each other well, or at least think they do. I really admire the way you effectively use slightly conflicting observations from the various characters about the others to heighten the suspense of the story. The inner thoughts (which normally would have to be the 'truth') often seem to conflict with the outside observations but all the concrete details remain consistent througout the story. With all the suspicions and assumptions flying around - something has to break somewhere but for the life of me I can't even guess where it will be. As a reader you just keep thinking that if only I had a little more information I could get this mess all straightened out. I have no idea how you are keeping the different plot lines so intricately wound around each other. And they all work together at the same time to build the suspense.
I can't wait to read the next chapter - you have no idea how excited I was to hear that this was off hiatus and moving to the end. Thanks for the heads up - you totally made my day! |
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 |  |  |  |  | | Lyla - Monday January 09, 2006 at 14:33 |  |
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 |  |  |  | Ive gotta tell you this is by far the best story i have read and i am in love whit the story your spelling an gramma are real good i wish i could right and spell as good as you but pleasee can you make the chapters a little longer and UPDATE soonnn please i am going to die if i dont get to read the next episode of this amazing story sow please i beg please UPDATE soon and well done |
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 |  |  |  |  | | lydials - Monday January 02, 2006 at 00:56 |  |
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 |  |  |  | A lovely mystery! Just when I think I'm sure Lady Mizuno is who she says she is, you write something that tells me she isn't. And then you write something that convinces me that she is. And then...there's no telling, really! Wondering what, exactly, her secret is is killing me! It's good to know that you've finished a rough draft, because I would die if you left this unfinished!
Speaking of rough drafts, brava to your editors! The spelling and grammar in this piece are absolutely flawless! They have done justice to your amazing story.
Your characterization is superb! I find myself especially intrigued by Zoisite, a character that I can tell you've truly thought out well. Your characters and their relationships weave in and out of each other in this intricate story, and I must admit I'm in love.
Your shifting from one POV to another? Wonderful! I feel as though I'm really inside each character's head. And what a great job you've done dropping into Lady Mizuno's head and keeping her secret while still sounding genuine!
I absolutely love subplots. The Chiba household really is falling apart with Lady Chiba gone, isn't it? I adore all the little conflicts that are going on throughout the house. Poor Umino! Could the theft of the silver, as well as Luna's rodent problems, have a place in the story's bigger picture?
I want to find a suggestion to give you, something you really need to improve on. But aside from a few tiny little grammatical errors (i.e., first sentence of chapter two) that I only noticed when I read it the third time through in my search (and whose flaws are debatable anyway), I have nothing to say! I'll have to get back to you on that.
I will be anxiously awaiting your next update!
~Lydia |
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 |  |  |  |  | | Loki - Sunday October 02, 2005 at 17:40 |  |
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