2013-04-22 11:34 In the name of Glamour & Glitter, Fashion & Fame…- Amy Mebberson http://t.co/icF4yx6qZW @amymebberson

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i like the story so far

Louise: very smoothe and wonderfully post-modern. I am hooked. Style, its fast pace and imagery great. And the way your characters come across are well conveyed, Serena is both a thoughtful character, and has a kind of lay-back manner I think is really cool.

I think you might want to fix your summary a bit, but all else is pretty darn good. A unique approach and I am keen to see what happens next. ^^ my WISE thoughts ^^

Very interesting start. I was pleasantly surprise to see that your storie add some truly unique thing, like your first person writting and the journal ideas, that really nice. The plot leave me with a thirst for more. That really good.

Theres just a couple of thing that bug me, like you forgot some "I" in some of the sentences and a couple of them were off a bit. There's also the fact that I got lost at some place because the storie jump from one scene to the next so abrutly.

And lastly, I find your summary does not live up to the goodness of your storie. But hats up on your title. I love it!

Keep it up, your really good, and I would truly love to read more.

Ja

A really good start so far. I loved Serean's "real-life" characterization, as well as "real-life" scenarios (ex. The hangover, the love of junk food, Mina taking a line etc...)You defiantely have a knack for grabbing a readers attention.

One thing I found to be off was the flow of your sentences. You didn't put "I" where you should have, whiched messed up the flow of the story a bit. Also, I felt some of your sentence structures were off. Don't worry, it's nothing that a Beta or an Editor cant fix!

All in all I think it's a great start and I really can't wait to see where your going with this.

Slightly mary-sueesque but well written so it is easily forgiven.

awesome beginning! i love the bridget jones books and ya i did catch that. you write very well and i cant wait for the next chapter so update soon! btw...can there be more darien in the second chapter? that would be awesome! ohh! even if he was like darcy!

An amazing start to your new story!

WISE: You have a good way of hooking the reader, though I think with a good proof read to go over the typos, and other minor flaws -- this will help the narrative flow so much better and showcase your writing genius.

Highlights:

I love the first-person style, albeit a journal account as you have mentioned in your notes. Clever, and the imagery is vivid and the dialogue comes over quite well. Fantastic vocabulary and the story has a good pace. So with a little proofing and polishing here and there, it will shine so beautifully! Congrats on a good start! *hands you a freshly cut rose and bows* L. =^_^=