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Not Logged InMonday September 27, 2021 - 03:14
Article
Crossovers: Truth and Lies
Posted on Thursday July 01, 2004 at 20:04 by MoonieDream
AIMod Download Enabled
Members Crossovers Rated: R
Status: Incomplete

--A Harry Potter fic. Set after the 5th Book...See what Happens if you dare :)
Harry is upset...and feels like he can only protect the people he loves by keeping to himself and He meets some new people that turn his life upside down.
Facts become lies and lies become reality...
and its everythings just a mess in harry potter land, and its seems only one person can break through his barriers.


Number of Chapters: 1          Total Size: 10k          Word Count: 1,859

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Sun - Thursday March 10, 2005 at 22:34
I liked it. I rather liked the fact that his aunt is talking to him in this one. Peace!
Sovern_of_Evil - Friday July 02, 2004 at 03:54
Interesting to hear from someone who's portrayed as an 'un-sided' character throughout the book. I liked the way you decribed Aunt Petunia's feelings, and how though part of her could belong in the 'Antagonist' group, the other part...the deeper part, seems to side with the 'Protagonist' view. And how she felt about her sister, the jealousy and depression.

Continue. You have my interest. ^_^

Sov
crystal_rose - Thursday July 01, 2004 at 19:19
This story is starting off nicely; Aunt Petunia's conversation with Harry gives readers a new insight into her hatred of the wizarding world and why she alienated her sister when she became a witch. It's interesting how, after all that happened prior to this story, Harry was able to bond with the one person he didn't get along with. Good job on making the emotions Aunt Petunia expressed so believable.

However, there is this part in the middle of the chapter that is strange, narratively speaking. You go from third-person narrative in the beginning of the story to first-person a quarter of the way through, then a strange mixture of both before finally going back to third-person. I honestly thought that there was another character in the room, one that took over the narrative as Uncle Vernon, and then Aunt Petunia, were speaking to Harry. I even entertained the idea that it was Hedwig, as dumb as that sounds. In the future, make sure that if you start off with third-person perspective, you stick to it. Switching perspectives in the middle of the chapter or story becomes confusing and turns readers off. Good start, but think about getting an editor.

PS: I changed the processing of your story from 'paragraphs' to 'raw' because your story is already wrapped, in order to remove the double spacing. Hope you don't mind.
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