2013-04-22 11:34 In the name of Glamour & Glitter, Fashion & Fameā€¦- Amy Mebberson http://t.co/icF4yx6qZW @amymebberson

Full Stories
Short Stories
Part Stories
Original Stories

Members Stories
Members Crossovers
Members Song Fics
Members Poems
Members Original
Members Teasers

Wow, what an epic! I haven't read the manga so I do not know how closely this resembles it but perhaps that doesn't matter. It took me several weeks to read this in its entirety (and you're not even finished yet!) and I really enjoyed it.
There were several points I think you needed to explore more, the most important one being Usagi's pregnancy. Her reaction to it seemed at odds with her personality and you left me wondering how Mamoru would have reacted to this news, not to mention how he felt about Diamond's mauling of his love. For them to have never discussed this seems entirely unrealistic and left me wondering why it was included.
That said, this was perhaps only one chapter set among brilliance. I love your style and truly hope to see more chapters in the future.

The ability to capture the feeling of nightmare, the clashing of worlds, you succeeded in dong this in this chapter. Perfect ending, fabulous characterization, imagery and dialogue and word usage.

Any flaws were small and incidental, and the over-all impact was amazing. I love how you ended the chapter.

BTW, you might find this article invaluable, good to see you back!

http://www.users.qwest.net/~yarnspnr/writing/adverbs/adverbs.htm

Brilliant interpretation of the Manga

WISE: I could only find a couple of things that require attention, the punctuation, I.E. X!?X question marks and exclamation marks or other multiples are never paired. a stronger sensation of pain XthenX (here the word then is past tense, as 'back then' it is temporal, the word you're looking for here is, 'than' comparitive) before that had him *nearly*(suggest 'almost' tense-wise would work better) on his knees, Some sentence fragmentation and the word, 'bit' where little would have been better, but that was it. The rest of the chapter was superb.

Highlights

Characterisation was excellent, world building, imagery and the scope of the narrative was ambitious and though it wasn't canon in places, it was nonetheless compelling for the spin you put on it.

Some of the subtle OOC didn't work for me, but most of it had worked fine. The Dead Moon ship was a great touch, the stalls and the dream sequences were really well done.

You have a brilliant vocabulary and your use of the Japanese was great.

Affect was well expressed, and the mood and atmosphere you set was also note worthy.

Dialogue most entertaining and powerful and the shifts of contrast between the characters was outstanding. Your portrayal of Diana, the thoughts of Chibi-Usa about Luna Pand the scene where Chibi-Usa spins with Diana in her arms and they get dizzy -- the last towards the end where Usagi and Chibi-Usa grow instantly older and younger was most clever.

I like the fact this is a lot darker and deeper than the original, and you did it justice. A good read and well done. *hands you a crystal sphere and a crystal sakura bloom and bows*

Hello,
I just wanted to tell you that I've been following your story since mid S-season at moonromance. I love your work! I hope to one be as good an author as you! Don't listen to any negative comments about your work, because you are a wonderful writer, especially if this is (and I've think you mentioned that was) your first work. Keep it up!
~MoonKent

Absolutely WONDERFUL!!!! I was very impressed at how you were able to write something that was so orginal yet tie it in with the well-loved manga. Very well done, you deserve much praise for your efforts. I look forward to reading much more of your work!

I couldn't believe how much I would enjoy this interesting story until I started reading. Its brilliant in execution and so imaginative. your style is refreshing and I loved the way you've blended Sailor V with Sailor Moon. As for world building skills; they're excellent. *coughs* now for the constructive criticism: You need to do a little work with grammar and spelling-typo errors... I suggest you take on a BETA-reader/editor, not only to polish and correct your already fantastic interpretation of the Manga, but to enhance what I believe an incredible talent. Don't let your story languish; love it by cleaning up those technical and minor structural aspects. Your characterisation is well thought out and quite animated. Your vocabularly excellent, and understanding of the Manga insightful. I particularly loved your re-working of the scenes we all know and love so much.(cats Luna and Artemis + the cute opening scene) You've managed to instill plenty of excitement and originality upon well trodden pathways. The narrative is fast moving, its relaxes where it has to and I liked the new character. I was a little puzzled by the ending to chapter 2; it seemed a little cut off and you ought to tidy that up and add a paragraph or two to bring the chapter full circle.(via story manager) If this is your first piece of fan fiction, its very good. I would love to assist in any way I can if you want an editor: just PM me. All in all a fantastic start & with a little polish it will shine like Usagi's broach! great start and keep upthe good work. *hands you a garland of sapphire and diamond roses & bows* "A Moon Cat is forever WISE, love your stories" =^_^= L.