Season: Alternate Reality
Story: Love is such a Strange and Funny thing|
Posted on Thursday July 07, 2005 at 10:09 by zaizai
Main Characters: Mamoru/Darien, Usagi/Serena
Genre: Drama, Humour, Romance
Finding herself forced to attend Japan's finest private university for the country's elite, Serena Tsukino decides to make the best of it. She comes to befriend Darien Chiba, heir to a billion dollars worth in business investments and companies, despite the major differences in income. Both are very reluctant to trust in their relationship, but it's too late, they find that they're both already way in over their heads to back out. But lies and deciet always seem to find it's way to the surface just when everyone thought they were dead and burried. And just when all seems to be well in paradise, Serena must come to terms with her past and decide over love or loyalty. As she and Darien come together to piece the puzzle that their parents' left for them, it seems the only truth they can rely on is the one they fear most, and that is that love is a very strange and funny thing.
Number of Chapters: 19 Total Size: 980k Word Count: 177,144
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|Anonymous - Monday March 26, 2012 at 17:35|
a great little story good work
|Loki - Friday May 27, 2011 at 12:55|
A perfect ending, perfect symmetry, well done, I admire writers who finish what they start, awesome! <333333 Looking forward to your next story girl!
Glad to see a work well done but i felt it was a bit rushed at the end....was really hoping to see a battle with the Uncle and such.....
thanks for ending it!
|aktheo - Thursday March 24, 2011 at 13:18|
Thank you so much for finishing this story! I hope to see more amazing stories from you in the future.
I'm glad for the ending but felt that it was rushed. Sorry but after six years and so many chapters I kind of wanted the wedding and their admissions of love to be draw out a little so that we could finally enjoy their happiness for a bit. We waited so long! Perhaps that greedy. But great story non the less and congrats on bringing it to an end. Hope you keep writing. Best of luck.
Please update and finish this story. It has been a long time and it is really good. I can't wait for the finale. Thanks
more, please! and as soon as possible!
Please update soon! This story is great! Can't wait til the end!
|Anonymous - Monday February 15, 2010 at 10:06|
|valentina - Sunday February 14, 2010 at 11:41|
OMG! You're updated!!! Great chapter.Can't wait for more. I hope that you can update soon.
|Loki - Sunday February 14, 2010 at 05:45|
A most intriguing chapter, I think the conversation at the end was a great chreshendo. But it had sustained a good rhythm throughout, great work Z Z and BTW, Happy V-day! <3
Well, you've got a really awesome story here; I love it! Your characterisation is brilliant (I'm just a little in love with your Darien), only minor errors here and there and your plot is great. For someone as young as you say you are to be writing this well is a wonderful thing and I think you are quite talented.
I now have to put in the standard but completely genuine plea for you to please please update and finish this story. I may just be driven to angst if it remains unfinished but will contend myself with going back and reading it again (for now anyway). Oh, and I've added it to my favourites. Thank you for writing such a great story!
|maqui - Thursday June 11, 2009 at 16:04|
Hey no complaints no nothing . Just one request finish the next chapter itz really gud and im waiting. Take ur time but don't take years.
|Loki - Friday April 24, 2009 at 10:06|
This was a fantastic chapter: drama, emotions highly charged, and sensual and more, the balance was perfect - wonderful storytelling magic! <3
|Megumi - Friday February 20, 2009 at 08:16|
Wow!! Honestly, your story really sucked me in! I started reading it 2 days ago...and I just kept going and going and found myself completely hooked on it. I love your writing style and the story idea is great, I'm really really enjoying it! =] Please update soon! I'm really excited to see what happens next!
|Anonymous - Sunday February 15, 2009 at 12:16|
Oh my God! You're updated!!! Great story. I absolutely love it. It was amazing! I hope that you can update soon.
I love this story...plz plz write more soon.The way you described all the characters and their emotions was great!
AMAZING story please more this story is my new favorite!! I AM SO IN TO IT. I couldn't leave my computer till I read all the chapters it's good!!!
|spud - Sunday February 08, 2009 at 23:17|
That was sweet! I think it was great how it avoided the cliched 'oh my gosh, he didn't say I love you back' because you've established Serena as the kind of character who loves freely and strongly and won't fall to bits because Darien hasn't yet told her he loves her to her face. I can't wait for the next chapter zaizai, I totally love your style of writing. You make the characters so endearing and each new chapter has something new and exciting in it, instead of just dragging on and going nowhere.
|Rae - Sunday February 08, 2009 at 15:25|
Ive missed thiss story pease update agian soon
|Loki - Sunday February 08, 2009 at 05:03|
Pure perfection, the timing was exquisite
I think this chapter was perfect in its timing, the suspense you invested well in this story and up to this point, the turning of events was just right.
Affect plugged into Serena and Darien in such a way that made it flow nicely and your writing just keeps getting better and better.
My only advice revolves around two small aries. 'tender-ly ("ly" adverbs, are often used, even by myself and you didn't use too many, but this word in the sentence where it appears would read better as 'tender'. Oh, and dialogue is great, I would however, suggest anchoring your pre-amble to sppech and the dialogue in the same paragraph. eg
Usagi squared her shoulders, "Okay, I'm listening!"
as opposed to:
Usagi squared her shoulders.
"Oky, I'm listening!"
Just a tip and that was it.
Over-all this was excellent and a joy to read and I love your work, you can touch the heart, draw us into the narrative and your images are vivid and everything fits together to make the reading experience a pleasurable one. Looking forward to more in the not too distant future. <3
|babydee - Sunday February 08, 2009 at 03:49|
That was a good chapter. but if i told a guy that i love them i would hope that they would have the same feelings and say it back. please dont take too long posting the next chapter.
|Eternia - Sunday February 08, 2009 at 02:55|
Sigh....it always leaves me wanting more, but then again, that's the mark of a truly talented writer. I loved it, and can't wait for the next installment.
|Anonymous - Wednesday November 26, 2008 at 15:35|
plz post the next chapter soon
awww how what a sweet ending to the chapter =]
love to hear more! and soon!
please and thank you!! =]
|babydee - Tuesday September 02, 2008 at 05:21|
your story is really good. and i hope that you post the next chapter soon.
I've read your latest chapter I really love it. How Serena finds out her real mother is. Please keep on writing.
|Anonymous - Wednesday August 13, 2008 at 13:53|
plz update soon! its getting really good.
|Krissy - Wednesday August 13, 2008 at 03:33|
i'm in loveeeeee.
i love this chapter it made me all giddy inside, especially around the end.
Now if only you can update sooner. lol
|Eternia - Wednesday August 13, 2008 at 02:15|
*Sigh*....I love this story, the relatioship between the two of them is just so good. I can't wait to read your next update!
|Dellia - Tuesday August 12, 2008 at 21:10|
Nice... I wasn't disappointed. I like the way you're progressing the story. Some people, myself included, spin a story too fast which causes for less detail and depth, but yours is really good. Keep up the good work.
|spud - Tuesday August 12, 2008 at 03:20|
Wow, the pieces of the puzzle are finally coming together! I loved that - the way you subtly intertwined the different plot lines...very nice!
I love this story! That was a wonderful chapter, can't wait for the next one!
|Anonymous - Monday August 11, 2008 at 22:28|
i liking this story ..keep up the good work!
|hobbit - Monday August 11, 2008 at 19:28|
OMG tht's soooo cool. I had a dream about this fic last night! I was totally flipping out when I saw that you had updated it. I can't wait to see what happens!!!!
|Catis - Monday August 11, 2008 at 16:39|
I LOVE IT and i love you this story is sooo very gooood. I want more please more.
|spud - Saturday June 14, 2008 at 05:29|
Oh wow, I so totally love this story!
I'm having all these big tests at the moment for year 12, and yet I just had to read this, once I started I couldn't stop, it was so utterly beautiful and poignant.
I love how the characters are so real. And it's great to see that they haven't done something stupid like run away - so many stories have that, and it's so insanely cliched, but I don't think your characters would ever be that lame, Serena's tough and even if she tries to avoid Darien at times, you can tell that she wouldn't be a wimp and run away.
I love how the characters aren't just angels, they're 3-dimensional and neither slutty nor frigid. It's not a teen romance or anything, it's a proper, wonderful story, realistic and yet so fairy-tale like.
Please update soon, I'm dying to keep reading. If you ever get published, I will be first in line to buy your book - this has got to be my favourite story of all time. Thank you for such a wonderful read.
|Loki - Monday June 09, 2008 at 19:17|
A beautiful cascade of emotional power, beauty and it was breathlessly moving!
The levels this latest chapter takes me are amazing, the intensity of feeling between Darien and Serena, and all in the face of a life-changing event, how human and warm, endearing they are and you captured that so well, this is a good come-back chapter, hardly any flaws at all, only a couple of tiny tense and minor things, but the pluses far outway these and what is so remarkable, is how much power you put into the dialogue, the images, the down-to-Earth relating between Ken and Eileen, the little to the big things.
Humor and the tenderness, there was something for everyone in this chapter. Your vocabulary is simply breathtaking. and the love that comes through in that intimate touching of lips and hearts, truly memorable.
Congratulations girl on an amazing and sweet and well penned gem! <3 L. *hands you a crystal bloom and winks and glomps*
|Moonmew - Saturday May 31, 2008 at 08:46|
aww this chapter was way too short!
|Eternia - Wednesday May 28, 2008 at 14:37|
Wow! Well I wouldn't say you have lost any of your touch. The feelings in this chapter were just so overwhelmingly perfect! I can't wait for the next chapter, please update soon!!
Hi, I just read your latetst chapter and I really love it. Please don't stop writing this story.
|Anonymous - Wednesday May 28, 2008 at 02:21|
can't wait to read more!!
|Dellia - Wednesday May 28, 2008 at 01:34|
i am soooo overjoyed you updated. I've been following this for a while and still can't wait for the next chapter. I liked how the emotions are true to the characters but i had a little bit of trouble understanding the settings.. maybe it was just me because i read it so fast. tee hee.
|Anonymous - Tuesday May 27, 2008 at 22:33|
Great chapter. Hope to see more!
I think it was amazing and really cute! I was hoping and hoping for it to be the wedding chapter though- but the building of suspense is good-I wish he'd heard what she said.
|Moonmew - Sunday April 27, 2008 at 21:28|
Please dont stop. I have only just joined and you have my eyes glued to the sceen!
|Anonymous - Thursday January 03, 2008 at 02:28|
oh my gosh you have to continue this im hooked! addicted! anything U NAME IT!
|Anonymous - Saturday September 29, 2007 at 18:58|
I am absolutely in love with this story. It's ver cute, and romantic all at once! Kudos to you zaizai!
It is completely amazing-I really like where you're going with the story=i think it'd be realy interesting to have more scenes between the chibas and darien and serena...update soon!
|babydee - Monday June 04, 2007 at 04:46|
your doing a great job on your story so far please up date soon.
I think that your story is wonderful; the poor yet
headstrong women getting together with the rich and c**ky
man. I love these themes. But I do have a lot of things that I would like to point out that made your story a little less of a joy to read.
Firstly I would like to point out the organization of this
piece. Sometimes I get confused when you are switching
scenes. For example, in chapter 5 you begin it when she
is riding on the bike with Darien but then somewhere
switch to her still being persuaded. I think the problem
here is that your not visually breaking up the scences
within the chapters. I think organization is a key
problem in your story, and I hope that you rectify that.
I know that you know what is going on, but put yourself in
the reader's shoes... frankly we don't know.
Secondly, sometimes I found that you were using words
incorrectly. For example, when Serena was talking about
the courses she was talking she said: "It's a tuff
course". Where did "tuff" come from... this slang was
inconsistant to the mood and to the rest of the story.
You also used the word "does" incorrectly somewhere in
your chapters... I didn't jot it down unfortuantly. At
some parts the phrasing sounded a little weird: For
example "Anyways, after class". In my opinion that
phrase sounded a little weird. Maybe you should edit your
chapters again for errors like that; it just unnecessarily
takes away from the story.
Thirdly, I felt that you didn't really develop the
relationship that Serena and Darien had correctly after
they became friends. You just referred to them hanging
out all the time, and teasing each other, etc. I wish
that you had gone into more detail about them. [In chapter
8 I beleive] There was this scene where Serena was ontop
of the roof, and Darien was there telling her that he
didn't like when she blurted everything she thought, and
so I thought that they were fighting. But then Serena
wasn't mad at Darien. That was out of her character (in
Furthermore, I would like to add that at some parts there
was just too much dialogue and not enough descriptions.
Descriptions make the reader more involved in the story...
it builds character and plot as well.
I hope that you take my constructive critisism and apply
it to your story. It has so much potential, especially
where your plot is headed. Keep at it!!
great chapter, can't wait for more!
HEY GREAT CHAPTER, please send in the next chapter ASAP!
|Anonymous - Saturday January 20, 2007 at 00:45|
I am waiting with bated breath for the next chapter!
|moonie - Tuesday January 16, 2007 at 06:36|
UPDATE UPDATE plz plz plz soon i dont know if i can wait much longer foor the end it is one of my most favourite stories everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr so plz put me out of my misery and update i beg you
NOOOO A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!! please update... i am in love with this story.... will she say yes? Who are the st james? Will mina and malcom be happy????? Please save me from the painful suspense!
|Eternia - Thursday January 11, 2007 at 16:00|
Once again i loved it, it has everything a good story needs.....(just wish the updates would come faster:) !)
Keep up the great writing!!!
I love it! Well written and worth the wait! Looking forward to the next installment! HUGS!
|Anonymous - Wednesday January 10, 2007 at 23:37|
eep! Don't stop there! My stomach is all in knots! Please write more soon!!
I remember when I stumbled upon this story on moonromance.net and I had to beg for you to continue it. Every time a new chapter appears, I love to read them. You are an amazing writer. Happy belated Birthday. Oh yeah, you might not answer but i have to ask: Does Darien actually love Serena?
|Rae - Monday September 18, 2006 at 22:57|
GREAT story!!!!! i cant eait for more, please update soon!!!
WTF?!?!? are u serious!?!?!? ur so young!!!!! >.<
anyways great update!!!! very long! just how i like it! nothing bad that i can say except UPDATE MORE!!!!!!!!!!! AND FASTER TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyhoo... good luck with the next chappie! cant wait to read it!!!! ^^
|Anonymous - Saturday August 19, 2006 at 01:15|
Are we able to love and hate a story? Right now, you put me a position where I hate the story, because you stopped at a moment where we need more, which makes you a great writer. I love it, because this one of my favorites. So, as many of your fans will say . . . . . "Up date soon" . . . . *wow*
I'm just reading your storie.
I thought I tell you, your chapter six, seven and eight is the same chapters. I you might have to make some changes!
Anyway I'm not trying to be rude! Or mean!
yay the next chapter!!! keep going, at this rate i'm never going to stop reading your story if it carries on this good. :) I'm glad the Serena doesn't die- how sad would that be? Keep up the good work.
The wait was long but worth it. You are incredibly talented. Keep up the hard work! This story is very real. I can feel the raw emotions . . . I feel like I'm there. You Rock! Update soon! :)
|nalia - Monday August 07, 2006 at 20:49|
Aaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! How could you? Just when it was getting good, you stopped there? ~sniffs~ Alright, be that way. I hope you update this soon. (if you don't, I'll won't be your friend no more)
|hahaterz - Tuesday July 11, 2006 at 01:54|
omg... I have so many things to say right now but i'm only gona say one
UPDATE!!! for goodness sakes!!!!!!! Im going crazy how you just left it like that..
thanks for the story. I love it. It's amazing.
|moonie - Sunday July 02, 2006 at 12:21|
you have too update soooooooooooooon please please please i luv the story and just HAVE to know what happens she cant die you cant let her i was like already cryiing i will start bawling if she dies *sighs* plz update soon
oh my god!!!
your story is sooo good and you just can't leave it like that... and well.. you can't leave us like this!!!
i can't wait to see what happens next... so please update soon!!! please please please!! ^^
You can't do that! Please up date really so. Im loving this story. PLEASE UP DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's sooo good, but sooo sad. Please, please, please update soon. You can't let Serena die! Your story is just to good to end it now!
|appleme - Wednesday May 17, 2006 at 21:13|
OH NO YOU DID NOT JUST KILL SERENA/USAGI!! ... noo she can't possibly die right.. I mean your not that evil are you?? well I liked the chapter very descriptive and captivating breath taking even.. PLEASE DON'T KILL HER PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU!! :'(
|freaky - Tuesday May 16, 2006 at 02:19|
ah omg please continue its so sad! but so good!
no, don't let serena die!!! however, i think this is a great chapter- keep up the good work!!!!
OMG R U FOR REAL?!?!?! ur just gonna LET her die off like that!?!?!? u better change the direction of this story or imma kick some ass!!!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!! IF U MAKE HER DIE IN THE NEXT UPDATE I SWEAR I WILL KILL U!!!!!! SHE BETTER LIVE AND THERE BETTER BE A HAPPY ENDING FOR THIS STORY OR SOMEONES IN TROUBLE!!!!!!!!!!!
hehe...whoops! didnt mean to come on so strong...
....BUT I MEAN IT!!!!! SHE BETTER LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND U BETTER UPDATE SOON TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|Anonymous - Friday May 12, 2006 at 14:45|
i LOVE it iv read it soo many times, plz finish soon!!!
Please don't let her die!! ... ooo this is so sad!
Quik do another chapter plz make it a happy ending uther wise u r gonna se a old girl cry lol.... im loving this well dun hun
omg I'm crying! Seriously teared up at the end there. It's wonderful of course, but please don't make her die!!! and hurry on the update!!
Ok that was cruel! But a nice long chapter. Please.. wow... haha wow.
|nate - Wednesday May 10, 2006 at 21:17|
OMG!!!! That was awesome, you have to keep updating. I love it :)!!! Excellent
Wow. I have been following this story since it's beginning and this has been my favorite chapter so far. Everything, the words, the characters, the emotions were so real and tangible. Please update soon because the cliff hanger has me waiting eagerly in anticipation for the enxt installment. Keep up the fantastic writing and story plots!
OMFG I love this story so much so touching you must update i want to read more omg and i bet u like zai zai from f4 lol go meteor garden yay i watched it like 15 times already lol. You must hurry and update.
BTW - I know I just reviewed but I have got to confess, zaizai, I cried. You really know how to pull at the heart. Please let the outcome be good.
Hey, all I can say is that there better be a happy ending, zaizai . . .cause Sere and Dare belong together. Update soon.
she can't die. I did enjoy the story but she can't die. For the love of GOD, DON"T LET HER DIE
..come on were all waiting for the next chapter!!
|Anonymous - Saturday May 06, 2006 at 05:23|
omg! cannot stop re reading it. please update it! ASAP!
|Vikki - Friday March 31, 2006 at 04:05|
I really enjoy reading your story. It's original and keeps me wanting more. I'm looking out for the next chapter. :)
Omg...your story is really good... sat here for like 2 hours reading it.. please update soon! =)
Great so far; please update again soon!!!!!!
>.< omg great update!!!!!!!!!!!! now u just have to update again!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^ dont make me wait too long!!!!! i mite just hafta come after u then! lolz! cant wait so hurry up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and good luck too!!!
|Missyface - Sunday February 05, 2006 at 10:56|
You must update! It's a fab story.
|Eternia - Saturday February 04, 2006 at 06:01|
More.....Must have MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really enjoyed your update! I was so excited to see an added chapter. Please update again! I love this story!
I love it!!! The dream that Serena had sounds very special! I can't wait for the next chapter. This is so great.
hi zaizai i really like your story so far. keep writing and update soon.
Love ur story. Hurry up and finish it.I just cant wait 2 c how da story ends.It keeps wanting me 2 know more.So hurry and write da next chapter fast.Darien and Serena fit just right w/ ur plot.Good job.
|Cherry - Friday January 27, 2006 at 14:45|
I was sure i had your story tracked, but then I enter the site and find...a new chapter!...and it was all a coincidence. Well, now I'm tracking it again, so that it won't happen again.
Let me tell you, this chapter was great. Finally we get to take a peek at Darien's feelings toward Serena, and we see Serena's struggling with her newfound discovery of her love for him. Hmmm...this is getting interesting, and I bet the party will be even more =).
Now, keep working on this story because so far it's one of my favorites.
|lexie - Friday January 27, 2006 at 13:34|
It just keeps getting better and better. Now was Serena adopted when she was younger? Was she rich at some point? If so when will she learn who her real parents are? I hope Serenity didn't die, that would be sad. Update soon I just can't wait to read what happens next.
|sailorsun - Tuesday January 17, 2006 at 23:08|
it was rly good write more i'll be waiting
|Lyla - Tuesday January 10, 2006 at 16:24|
OHHHHH MY GODDDD THIS IS SOW NICE PLEASE I AM BEGING OF YOU DEAR ZAIZAI PLEASEEE UPDATE AS SOON AS YOU CAN AND I JUST WANNA COMPLEMENT YOU WHIT YOUR SPELLING AND GRAMMAR THERE REALY GOOD I WISH THAT YOU COULD TEACH ME THOW. I AM GOING TO DIE IF YOU DONT UPDATE SOON PLEASEEE UPDATE AND CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE THE CHAPTERS A LOT LONGER PLEASEEE THANKS please updatE
|nav - Tuesday December 27, 2005 at 19:42|
please please up date i really wanna know what happens next please do
o0o0o great update!!!! ^^ now UPDATE SOME MORE!!!!!! UDPATE!!!! PLZ!!!! >.< btw ur a great author!
|thypari - Friday December 16, 2005 at 14:34|
great... i love it... wow.... any chance of an update? or a sneak preview maybe :D:D
|lexie - Monday December 12, 2005 at 22:11|
I love this story I can't wait for the next chapter.
|bec - Tuesday November 22, 2005 at 12:35|
Ohh this story is excellent, I love it. Please, please, please keep updating.
|freaky - Sunday November 20, 2005 at 04:38|
i am loving this story please write more!!!
|appleme - Sunday November 13, 2005 at 21:34|
OMAGAWD!! .. ahahahaahah i'm so0oo0 happy dat u have updated i love where this is going and REI IS here thank God shes my 3rd fav character :D
This is an amazing story! As soon as I read the first paragraph I couldn't stop! The personalities of each character make them very unique, which is why I love the way they interact with one another. Every time I read a chapter, I get drawn into the story more and more. I stayed up well into the night reading every chapter. You are a fantastic writer, and I hope you update soon!
|Eternia - Thursday November 10, 2005 at 23:54|
that was soooo good please hurry up and update
|Anonymous - Tuesday November 01, 2005 at 02:59|
I LOVEEDDD IT! Plleaseee dnt take long with the nxt update
great chapter! update soon! i am such a big fan of F4 and darien.
|Unek530 - Tuesday November 01, 2005 at 02:11|
I really love this story. You're writing style is excellent - well rounded characters, great detail in surroundings, characters, settings. I absolutely love it. Hope to see the next chapter updated soon. Keep up the great work. Take care~
Can't wait for your next update. HHHUUUURRRRYYYYY! This is getting good! :)
~come on~!!!!!!!!!!!!.....I'm sooooo tiered of w8ing!!....I'm being patient....in...and...out...okay....can't...w8...till...you...write...more...!!!!!!!
|Anonymous - Sunday October 02, 2005 at 07:27|
plz, update! it's too great to leave it unfinished.!!
hi! the first chp. reminds me of meteor garden! u a f4 fan? i noticed ur user name... a vic lover?
|Lyla - Wednesday September 14, 2005 at 11:46|
Well here is my review...................................................
Are you crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If i had known you as a friend i would have pounded you down until you wright this story finished. You understand. I LOVE THIS STORY.
PLEASEEEEEEE FINISH THIS STORY........... LOL
I love the consept of this story. Ohhhhh Please pretty PLeaseeee Right this story as fast as you can ill die if i dont finish reading this story til the end.
And By the way Your a very goood Autor Keep up the very good work. Your avery talented one too LOL.
|Shu-chan - Friday September 09, 2005 at 00:59|
Hi, I'm really enjoying your story. Out of all the many other SM fanfics yours was definitely one of the best. Hope to see another chapter out soon. Sacha ^____^
|WildCat - Tuesday September 06, 2005 at 03:08|
This story is so awesome! You don't get anymore guttsier then that!!! Serena sure has the attitude to match her personality. Keep it up.
give me more, more, more :-)
Hi, I just read your storie. And I really liked it. Please do more chapters.
Please reply soon
|Anonymous - Thursday August 25, 2005 at 10:34|
Great chapter! Can't wait to see the next one :D
|appleme - Sunday August 21, 2005 at 07:25|
continue pleasee ahh ita like 3:30 am and i had 2 read all of it ahh plzz plzz plzz update =D
O.O Wow. Definitly the best story ive read so far!!! greatjob! PLEEEEZ update SOOOON!!!!!!!!!! dont keep us waiting!!!!
|Eternia - Thursday August 18, 2005 at 17:26|
i really enjoyed that chapter...they are sooooooooo cute!!! Please don't make me wait forever for the next chapter.....it's torture....and that's not nice!!
you have to update ASAP! I love it! PLEASE.......Hurry and update:)
|bbjay - Thursday August 18, 2005 at 01:55|
awesome chapter!!! I love this fic of yours. The way you portray Darien and Serena is so unique, pure, cute, adorable and all them good stuff =) Hope you will update soon (pleaseeee)!!!!
|buttacup - Wednesday August 17, 2005 at 18:58|
I liked this chapter....it gave a little detail into darien's life, i liked that. Woow i really hope i dont have to wait forever for the next chapter because this story keeps on getting better and better. Im offically hooked.
Keep up the good..nah not just good...the excellent work
Please update soon
|Anonymous - Wednesday August 17, 2005 at 16:41|
hurry hurry i need to know what happens
It's wonderful so far!!!! Please contintue, quickly!!!
|Eternia - Friday August 05, 2005 at 02:05|
*sighs*...they're so cute!!!! i hope you write more soon!!!
|buttacup - Thursday August 04, 2005 at 16:13|
this story is great......it keeps getting better and better..actually its one of the best stories i`ve read in a long time....i love the relationship between darien and serena....i like how there different but somewhat the same...and im interested to see how mina is going to persue malcolm...all in all a great story.....hope u update soon
Whats gonna' happen next!!! Come on don't leave us hanging to long. Did Serena really yell the excuse about having to s**t really bad, because that was funny!!! I Think thats my favorit part, so far in the story.
*hope you write soon*
|Loki - Friday July 15, 2005 at 05:51|
Well, as I've already said earlier, good story. Unfortunately, you've continued to lace your narrative with a host of grammatical, structural and spelling errors and this I found frustrating and disconcerting.
I do enjoy your visualisation and the humor is fabulous, but I urge you to get an editor as it would make your story a lot better and helpt you become a fantastic writer.
You used incorrect words such as: 'alright' it's all right and if you had studied the writer's tips carefully you would have realised this. The use of 'off-of' though in common speach if consistent with the dialect of a specific character is okay, is otherwise grammatically incorrect. Your tenses in places were a little out, in one passage you spoke in the third person and then in the same sentence referred to Serena's hand being in 'first person' "my hand" instead of hers.
I am enjoying your story, but-
1: Be careful with your word usage a with the following: shutting the red door of his locker shut.(the use of 'shut' is unnecessary as you've already used 'shutting and this is a tautology; it would be better to replace 'shutting' with slammed.)
2: Problem with … “and the others bursted into
laughter.”… Replace with 'burst as 'bursted'
is a non-existent word.
3: it is often better to use from as opposed to 'out of' in many sentences and to omit 'from and of in some cases as it reads much better.
4: “to stop James head (remove “from” as it's unnecessary) ramming into (you can remove 'into' here) his body.”
5: Andrew ducked just in time to (dodge should be replaced with 'avoid' Darien's backpack (remove “from” as it is unnecessary in this sentence) hitting him in the face.”
6: and threw Darien's (it should be 'Darien as possessive doesn't work here) his.
7: “Zachary turned to leave ( Include either of the following: ' heading towards' or 'heading for the pool tables') to the pool tables”
8: “dark haired friends' eyebrow's
(it should be eyebrows as you've made Darien's the possessive and sequential possessives are unnecessary and grammatically incorrect)
10: “not knowing what(where should replace 'what') his white haired friend was coming from,”
11: “… and had been his friend (for not necessary here) even longer. Maybe for a year or two he might have had (had not necessary here) fancied her, and yes, he had thought that he was (substitute this phrase with 'himself') in love. But, the distance between them had grown, and in the light of reality, the breach….
I have given you a number of examples here to indicate the areas in which you need to concentrate re-grammar, sentence structure and word usage, spelling and the like. Though the narrative itself is enjoyable, I feel your story is saturated with errors that can be so easily fixed. The points above are basic and if you take the time to study the 'writer's tips as I suggested you will find them a valuable resource.
I think you're selling yourself short and your readers too if you don't get serious about improving your technical skills. Your talent as good as it is won't carry you through on its own unless its matched with dedication, respect and love of your craft and I don't think from what I've seen here that this has as yet been shown on your part.
Some less experienced readers may on occasion excuse such poor writing technique and turn a blind eye, but that's not really fair on you and those of us who love to read premium fan fiction is it?
Think it over ... good luck. L.
...this is based on Hana Yori Dango, isn't it? Or if you prefer, Meteor Garden. The storylines are just too similar for it to not be.
Pure Entertainment! There is going to be love right, just not incredibly mushy kind?
o no what is sahe goin to do... think of sumthing serena quick.. think think... lol....keep it up its lookin good xx
|Loki - Monday July 11, 2005 at 06:46|
I think you've the makings of a really great story here: your characterisation is good, visual landscapes colorful with good detail. I think your plot great and vocabulary great.
WISE: However, I really do think you need an editor, for your grammar, sentence structure and word usage needs a lot of work. Punctuation as in "?!" is a no-no you never pair punctuation like that. (See writer's tips in writer's forums and study them asiduously to work on this and other basics re-technique) You're a good storyteller and of that there is no doubt. You're only let down by these technical flaws and typos. You need to care for your story as you would a child, nurture it, proof read and correct it. Learn all you can from other experienced writers, for your work deserves at least that much don't you agree? ^_^ Constructive criticism is more valuable to you at this time than just giving you flowery platitudes, and believe me you'll benefit far more from such a critique than to be held back by a lack of basic honesty. To find yourself an editor post in the writer's forums and though you did show improvement in your last chapter, you need to work much harder to clean up the errors and build your skill base if you're wanting to be taken seriously as a writer. ^_^ I enjoyed your story, but you can do a lot better. Good luck! *hands you a silver rose & bows* L. "A Moon Cat is forever WISE, love your story!" =^_^=
|mythling - Monday July 11, 2005 at 04:00|