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Not Logged InThursday February 06, 2025 - 15:55
Article
Story: Untitled
Posted on Saturday March 04, 2006 at 14:15 by Adins
AIMod Download Enabled
Members Stories Main Characters: Jadeite

Genre: Action, Drama, Supernatural

Rated: R
Status: Incomplete

Thousands of years ago the ancient kingdoms of the Earth and Moon were devastated under the shadow of an unnatural eclipse. Elysium was brought to ruin and the Moon Kingdom shattered yet the Demon Queen survived. A lasting eclipse will once again suffocate the entire planet in late September, 2035.

Decades have passed since the Senshi thwarted Metallia and her Dark Kingdom and the world has allowed them to pass into history. Each content with this fact have all but gone their separate ways. Yet, the appearance of an old enemy, and an unlikely ally, will draw the wayward Senshi together again and reveal an ancient hatred that is the very breath of life in a lasting threat they long thought defeated.

An ancient evil returns.
A crystal prison shatters.
The Circus comes to town.


Number of Chapters: 20          Total Size: 446k          Word Count: 78,864

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winnie86 - Tuesday October 09, 2007 at 00:33
Great story, I love it. Never read any other story like it. But will it ever get finished? sad...
ButtaUsagi - Saturday November 11, 2006 at 07:28
I really like this story....hope you continue it! Can't wait for your next installment...
Anonymous - Thursday May 18, 2006 at 14:35
I agree this is an awesome chapter, but I think you must have rushed it a bit. Lots of punctuation, spelling and typos and grammar mistakes and all that you need to pay some attention...it kind of interupted the flow a bit...a lot actually. But I did enjoy it. The pace is great. You know, I really liked it. ^^
Loki - Friday May 12, 2006 at 12:09
Absolutely amazing, stunning imagery and your story has all the hallmarks of a classic Sailor Moon gem

WISE, minor flaws -- change alright to all right -- mostly little things like typos, but over-all, a marvelous stroke of fan fiction

Highlights:

I was, as I always am when reading your work, very impressed with the lavish images and color you weave into your writing landscapes.

Scenes that stood out: Minako and Makoto in the apartment and the transformation to Jupiter, awesome. Nephlite transforming via the power of love for Naru and his stone was quite powerful as was the drama of Jupiter as she rescues Minako and the thunderous fall to Earth -- brilliantly told. The dialogue is also impressive. You bring us in, affect and the pace is good.

Characterisation and style excellent. I am looking forward to reading more, on the edge of my seat and loving it! *hands you a crystal sword and salutes* L.
Anonymous - Wednesday May 10, 2006 at 18:28
Love the battle with Tiger Eye and Venus, Awesome! a few tweaks here and there needed, but I loved it! ~
Anonymous - Wednesday May 10, 2006 at 18:12
We need story wizards like yourself, keep it up bro! Fantastic!
starryice18 - Monday April 24, 2006 at 17:07
Great so far; please finish soon!!!!
Loki - Monday April 03, 2006 at 04:54
I really enjoyed your last two chapters, this last one was most entertaining

WISE, Flaws were few -- careful of the incorrect _alright_, should be *all right* ^_^

Highlights:

Fantastic world building skills, the realm within the tent was amazing, characterisation was lavish and well thought out. visual imagery amazing. The description of the Tigereye ring was great. You did a lot of background research and for that I commend you. Another outstanding effort. *hands you a emerald sword and bows*
galena_steel - Sunday March 26, 2006 at 08:15
Absolutely intruiging. I can't wait to read the rest of what you have planned. And you are absolutely right. Jadeite and ramen is a beautiful moment. I almost fell off my chair laughing. Thank you.
Loki - Monday March 13, 2006 at 03:07
Amazing!

WISE: I really enjoyed this chapter, and apart from a few little things you know of from my earlier review, _the alright_ thing, to change to all right, I will focus on the story itself.

I love your improvisation with Jadeite and Rei, the build up, the power of their emotions and the reclamation of his soul, all that, fantastic.

The description of the temple grounds, brilliantly portrayed, and the humor, side-splitting. I could see Rei and her shimmering eyes and the nexus between loneliness and unity close a outstanding piece of writing. Characterisation spot on and again, well done! *hands you a crystal sword and bows* L.
Anonymous - Wednesday March 08, 2006 at 14:37
Hey, you are really, really good! An ace storyteller, I really am hooked! ^^
Loki - Tuesday March 07, 2006 at 10:35
Well, I have read all your chapters and aside from my earlier observations, this a a fantastic story. I hope to see more of it and encourage you to keep polishing and correcting the flaws. It is good to see a new male writer on site, I only realised this at the end of your last chapter. LOL So *hands you a crystal _sword_ and bows*
Loki - Tuesday March 07, 2006 at 07:43
I enjoyed this chapter, but again, you have punctuation issues. Avoid like the plague _alright_ this is grammatically incorrect and should be written as _all right_ *see writers tips in the writing forums for more info* Expression and grammar a little wobbly here and there, also a vital point, _never, ever use _?!, or !?, or ?? or for that fact, more than one punctuation mark at a time, this is poor usage and a habit to break ASAP_ If you use story manager you can clean these up as they drag down a good story. Honest will be your greatest assett with reviews. We need to take the good with the bad, and while I praise your strong points, I will not shrink away from highlighting things you need to change.

But over-all, the story is great and I love it. Just polish and clean up the errors and all. *hands you a crystal wand and bows*
Loki - Tuesday March 07, 2006 at 07:15
You have certainly got my attention:

WISE, I read your first chapter and for a debut, it is both compelling and hooked my love of detail and good narrative style. You have a few minor things that need a tidy up, but do not worry, these are mostly typo related. I noticed you need to add more punctuation here and there,commas and I noticed in one scene _she rose from in from of the altar, insert _her position_ and the odd missing word. But really, these are no serious impediment to enjoying this remarkable story.

You might need to tighten expression in one or two sentences, watch out for repeat words in some sentences, eg most used twice in the same sentence re-Rei training most of her life... just minor proofing to fix these.

It is good to get reviews that give you something to build on, I love the story, it sets the stage and mood, visualisation superb, world building skills and vocabulary in the category of excelent and I would say without fear of contradiction, you will rank highly with the greats on this site. Your previous experience as a fan fiction writer holds you in good stead, and what is more, you are reflective and critical of your own work in a constructive way -- this demonstrates you care about your work and as such, I hope you continue to excite the reader and I look forward to reading this entire story. Congrats on a fantastic start and every success with your writing! *hands you a crystal wand and Tiara and bows* L.
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