 |
      |  |
 | |  |  |  | 
 |  |  |  |
Story: Life, Or Something Like It
Posted on Tuesday October 10, 2006 at 00:36 by rena630 |  |
Season: Alternate Universe Main Characters: Mamoru/Darien, Usagi/Serena
Genre: Drama, Romance
Rated: R Status: Incomplete
"Life is just one damned thing after another" -Elbert Hubbard
After realizing her unhappiness, one brave and desperate soul will try with all her might to correct the biggest mistake of her past, even when that mistake seems to be irrevocable. Will she succeed in her quest? Or will life's unfairness overwhelm and eventually conquer her?
Number of Chapters: 5 Total Size: 73k Word Count: 13,255
| You must be logged in to read this Story |
|
|
|
|  | 
 |  |  |  |  | Loki - Wednesday June 03, 2009 at 19:57 |  |
|  |
 |  |  |  | Powerful insight into Serena's inner conflict.
I think this meeting with Darien was charged with plenty of angst, release and the dramatic declaration capped it off so well.
Imagery was great, the fluctuating emotional swing of Serena's emotions were well written. Her guilt, her struggle with herself, all great.
I did find a few typos, some grammar points, homonyms like: 'Just breathe' you had written as, 'breath' and 'you're' (equals you are) as opposed to, 'your' (possessive), Also, then, which is for 'back then' a reference to a shift in time, when it needed to be, 'than' (comparitive) as in , 'more than this'
Other than these minor flaws that a good BETA can help with, you delivered a brilliant insight into Serena's emotional state and the story now is so well poised, good work!
Oh, and a resource you might find helpful. Good to see you back!
http://www.users.qwest.net/~yarnspnr/writing/adverbs/adverbs.htm |
|
|  | 
 |  |  |  |  | Anonymous - Tuesday August 07, 2007 at 16:27 |  |
|  |
 |  |  |  | Really enjoyable, and for the realism and drama, it gets you and takes your heart and all. What they are facing is so like things that really happen to people and its a great read, I like your style and look forward to more! Good job. ^^ |
|
|  | 
 |  |  |  | send in the next chapter soon |
|
|  | 
 |  |  |  |  | Anonymous - Thursday January 11, 2007 at 11:42 |  |
|  |
 |  |  |  | Hey, this was worth the wait. I love the way you set up the plot. You have answered the challenges by your faithful readers, myself included. I feel you have plenty in store, as you have us in the palm of your hand. You have my attention and you are a rising star for sure! I love how you conduct the liaison between Darien and Serena, it is unique, tender and oh, so real life! I am moved to say you have good characters and the settings are great. I feel for the characters and that is a big part of getting through to your readers. Look forward to more. I would point out one little thing though, in your summary, you should change breath to breathe, K? ^^ Also, maybe shorten that last bit, because you do not want to give too much away before a reader begins to read this wonderful story. bye-bye |
|
|  | 
 |  |  |  |  | astro - Tuesday January 02, 2007 at 19:17 |  |
|  |
|