I like how you started off, the relationship between Serena and her former relationship partner has an intriguing set of unanswered questions, a teasing beginning.
I congratulate you on your debut, well done BTW.
You created good tension and the confrontation at the airport was good. You managed to draw me into the situation - a nice opening.
I would like to offer some advice on things like grammar and punctuation, you had a lot of sentences without dialogue tags, so if you wish to end those sentences neatly, replace the comma with a period, or add a interesting tag. If you get a BETA reader, this would help you make you a better writer and they can help you get a handle on this stuff. You had some missing words-letters here and there, the odd typo but the one thing you need to concentrate on is POV, you slipped from first to third person and it was a little distracting. Careful of over-doing the modifying of verbs thing in some of your sentences. Careful of repetition: 'sure-sure- jumped out at me, best way to avoid this is to read our work over more than you have, better yet, get another person - a friend family member to read it to you aloud, this helps pick things up our writerly minds miss. It's okay, all of uss do this, a fresh pair of eyes can really make a huge difference. Please give it a try.
The flow was good, I think you have a good pace, perhaps do a little bit more in world building and visualize the people around you, that can help make the setting a bit-character the airpoort and its staff, what are they doing, how do they respond to the MCs and all that good stuff.
Anyway, great to have you aboard, and I get the feeling the best is yet to come, all the best with this story SD ^_^ |
