Winner: Most Popular Story - June 2004
Season: Alternate Universe
Main Characters: Mamoru/Darien, Usagi/Serena
Genre: Drama, General, Romance, Suspense
Rated R for language and subject matter.
Suspense, Drama, Romance
According to 1967 sociologist Stanley Milgram's 'Small World Phenomenon', everyone in the United States is connected by a chain of six people at the most in what has been dubbed the 'six degrees of separation' theory. No one has been able to prove the validity of this phenomenon though many have tried.
This story follows the lives of a group of people and how the decisions they make can have devastating effects on others. Serena Lombard and Darien Shields are carrying on a May-December office romance in defiance of Serena's father and Darien's best friend. How will their relationship affect the lives of those they know...and those they don't?
Number of Chapters: 7 Total Size: 321k Word Count: 57,786
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|lovelyl - Thursday August 21, 2008 at 13:36|
This story is really good. Please continue and update soon.
It has been 2 years.. i am assuming you have given up on this fic?
please -- say it aint so!!
|xxangelxx - Thursday August 31, 2006 at 21:42|
hey i love the story keep updating please
OH!!! *impatient stamp of feet* When will you update?! *begs* I want to know what happens!!!
By the way, this story rocks my socks off. Very well thought out and suspenseful!
|Serafina - Thursday October 13, 2005 at 03:58|
*points finger accusingly*
Prince fan! I forgot to mention it in my review way back when, and now re-reading it, I remember why I had REALLY wanted to leave a comment. Nice lil homage. XD Enjoy your hiatus and don't let this story fade away, I (and many MANY others) really enjoy it.
I'm sorry that I didn't review sooner, I honestly didn't have the time to give you a well thought out review that you deserve! I found the time to re-read chapter 6 and even took some notes of scenes that I liked so that I have some material to go on!
First before I go any further, I must get this out of my system! Oh my god that was a great chapter and you must update soon! *whew* I feel better! Okay on to the serious topics!
"...Oddly enough, it took hitting rock bottom to realize just what she needed to dig herself out of the hole she had made with her own bare hands. She sighed and inspected her nails. This was going to be hell on her manicure." I thought that this paragraph into Mina's mind was interesting. The metaphore of Mina actually digging herself out, and the fact that it would ruin her nails I fould to be clever. I am glad that Mina's life is starting to take a turn for the better and that there is a light at the end of her "hole"
There was only one error that I found, and that regards a paragraph you had where Greg is thinking about ways to get back to Darien.
"...biding his time before crushing Shields like the bug that he was."
Shouldn't it be; like the bug he is, not was? Was would imply that Greg no longer thinks of him as a bug now, but he did in the past. Of course I know that Greg has a vendetta to finish, so I am pretty sure he still thinks ill of Darien.
Again I loved the mental banter between Ami and "Tammy". I could just imagine the look on Tammy's face as Ami strutted down the street, priceless! Granted I have a feeling that Ami might be the controlling/possesive type towards her relationship with Greg, if one does develop!
I felt sorry for Rei, but in a way I am glad that what happened did. I get tired of Rei always putting up such a strong front and never backing down, but you had us take a look, granted a small one, into Rei's true nature. Although the rath she might face from both the cop and her father I would not wish on anyone!
Well I must say that this is the first really in depth review I have ever submitted, and I couldn't have picked a better story! I really do hope that you keep up the wonderful work, I treasure authors who care about what they are writing! May your muse be plentiful with ideas, and your fingers swift on the keyboard!
|armobaby - Wednesday December 08, 2004 at 02:45|
itz so good i cant wait for the next chapter but please put more darien and serena itz the most intresting part
Wow, another chapter well-done! The abnormal relationship everyone has with each other is what honestly makes this story so great. The way you intergrate all the characters and the connection they all share is what I feel seperates this story from other fanfictions.
I honestly dont know what else I can type? Ladysolo did a good job at editing so I'm assuming she beat the rest of us in picking it apart lol. Great job on this chapter, I cant wait to see more.
OOOOOOOMG I hate you. We hates you to be exact. ROCHELLE and I. She thinks you played a very nasty trick on our eyes by making us think we were only half done with the chapter when it was FREAKING OVER! *gasps angrily for breath*
Okay. I REVOKE my demands of you clearing your chapter posting dates with me, just so long as you GET THE NEXT ONE OUT QUICK!!!! None of this "It's gonna be a while" BS. Nuh huh. So siree. I want it now. Right here, HARD, on my desk. *Shoves everything off her desk in a fashion reminiscent of the SD prologue*
Aight, honestly it was awesome, as always. Haha I just realized that both Greg and Amy are BOTH soooo screwed up. When Tammy's jaw dropped I was like, HA! WHAT NOW BIIAAAATCH?! ... Then I realized she was in Amy's head. -_-;; They're perfect for each other! haha and I guess I'm perfect for Rochelle huh? :p
Haha SUCKS for Raye. Man, cops are MEAN to us teens and car accidents are NOT FUN. Man, I'm 17... Thank goodness I have MY license. I mean, werd. Oh, I love how you're sticking pretty close to Raye and Chad's characters from the manga/anime. It REALLY works for this story. Chad is so hot... And even though he was only there for like, 2 seconds, Darien was really hot too. ^^
Already told you what I think about the Mina scene you MIND SEARCHER YOU!! Jeez, stealing my friend's personalities for your characters out of MY BRAIN! NOT COOL DUDE. Not cool.
I only caught a couple grammatical errors like “This time, Greg smiled genuinely and allowed Amy to lead him to her home, even though he already knew where it is.” Err, something else I can't remember. ^^;; It must not have stuck out bad enough. :p Oh and I didn't quite understand this sentence: “Well, when that happened, she'd rub it in Molly's face but good.” But other than that it was FABULOUS dahling. Loved it. I am literally jumping up in down in my seat whenever I read this story waiting for the next word.
|WildCat - Wednesday December 01, 2004 at 18:03|
Your story got me hooked. It's really good with odd moments here and there. Keep up the awesome work on 'Six degrees'
|ChibiJ - Sunday November 14, 2004 at 14:41|
Hey CR! I'm not sure how, or when, I missed the update for chapter 4, but I suppose it's all good because I got two updates at once!
Okay, first on the list, you need to make some kind of blasted chart or something so that we know who is connected to who originally and who they are connected to know! I mean, don't reveal secrets before they occur, but now I got to remember that Nathan, who is seeing Lita, who is cheating on her husband...um...See! I can't remember his name! Anyhow, she is cheating on her husband who is dying. And Nathan has a son Sammy and used to be married to Trista, who is Darien's housekeeper, taking care of him and his daughters Rei and Hotaru...errr...Heather...(sorry) while she is secretly lusting over him. And that's just that little part! Yes, I know that is the main concept behind six degrees of seperation, but a little flow chart could help us remember...
Okay, that taken care of...
Off the top of my head, it looks all good. I'd say the flow of the story is all good too, except that you purposely twist me in so many directions that I am going googly eyed! But I love it! Another thing I love, the Ami-Tammy psycho connection, way too cool! It gives such a new and excellent view on the inner workings of a genius. I actually met a "genius" once. She was a parent of one of my students. Supposedly she was once a great mind, destined to do such wonderful things through live, a living breathing genius. Guess she snapped and went crazy. She was the nastiest dressed, most foul smelling woman, with all her teeth rotted out. It was really gross. If you looked closely, you could see where she once was pretty. But, you had to look past the grim and perhaps feces...maybe that was the smell...that littered her appearance. It was truly sad...
Aside from that tangent...
I know that you are always looking for reviews that tear apart your work and make you really think about your writing, aiming for the chance to improve your skills. But it simply isn't possible to do here. I'm sure that everything isn't perfect, yet I can't seem to recall anything that stuck out.
So...with that...I end the review.
Great story, can't wait for more, you rock!
Sorry, had to do it!
HAHA. *breaks out laughing* Mm.. Darien buying feminine necessities, that I can't wait to see! What a way to make him seem even sexier!
Man, only you can pull off maing Amy's "inner b***h" seem completely natural. In someone else's story, it would be more like: wtf is this author THINKING (if even)?! But no, with you, it's more like: hm... that inner b***h is a lot like my inner b***h. Let's have them start an affair.... *coughs* I really like the level of originality you've taken this fic to; not only with Amy and Mina, but with Setsuna as well. That's a nice twist and I'm guessing she's going to popping up there somewhere and playing a part of jealously soon.
I don't even have to tell you that I loved this chapter, cause you're just so talented that you can READ MINDS! *wriggles eyebrows* guess what I'm thinkin now. Another chapter would be nice cause I'm a greedy biznatch and I need more! Haha. I really can't wait!
|Piepie - Thursday November 11, 2004 at 19:04|
"When you've hit rock bottom like I have, Mr. Shields, manners are all you have left. Thanks again for all you've done today. I won't forget it."
Great chapter and that's a great line. I like that the line could be represented as foreshadowing not only minas change in character but also that at some point she helps Darien. I like mina, and hope she changes for the better.
The whole beginning of the story was very intriguing.
"A part of her wanted to try it, just to have the satisfaction of seeing ducks hungrily devouring chicken, blissfully unaware that they were committing an act against nature"
I like how serena and minas relationship was portrayed in this chapter. Its not conventionally how most sibling interact with each other and talk but I like that it was more of a friendship and how they seem to understand and in some way care for each other.
And Darien and serena whoa 'tis getting steamy....
Overall good chapter!
|Serafina - Friday September 17, 2004 at 00:52|
There has been a most definite improvement in the story since you began it.
While lurking on your LJ ( I'll comment next time, promise!), I realized you changed the POV (3rd person narrative) to what it is now as opposed to the POV of your prologue. Your use of the 3rd person narrative is getting better by each chapter. There are times when you don't realize the baton has been passed, i.e. Amy's storming out of the office to Darien's reflection on her exit.
Mina's experience...I finished the chapter with this heavy feeling. It felt like one of those strange moments where you didn't quite know what to say to comfort a friend who went through a terrible ordeal and then it dawned on me that I didn't have to - I wass just experiencing an excellent piece of writing.
The emotional development is consistent and I really like where this story is headed. I'm being to see some of the idea of 'six degrees of seperation'. Perhaps that will be explored more later on... The whole story is very strong, except I don't think the six degress theory is completely explained. Perhaps, rather than trying to incorporate that idea, just let the story live on its own (which I can see happening anyway) and it will work well.
My two cents.
It may just be me being an extreme pain in the ass but there was a word missing somewhere in the chapter...
"...each and every time Mina did they didn't approve of."
I believe the word 'something' should be between 'did' and 'they'.
Yes, I am anal. Yes, I went back to find the sentence that was bothering me. Yes, I absolutely love this story and can't wait for the next chapter.
I can see the eyes rolling from here. lol
|RENA630 - Thursday September 02, 2004 at 07:23|
You amaze me. I mean I din't know I could feel so many emotions with one fic! Well for the questions:
What was your emotional response to this story thus far?
Thus far it's hard to tell what my emotions are. I feel very close to Serena because in a way I am alot like her. I like the way you have developed her character by means of other characters and indirect characterization. Honestly though I find that you sympathize with Mina in this story and you tend to build her character more than Serena's which is very confusing when the novel itself is meant to be a Darien/Serena pairing. Not that its wrong to focus on other characters...in fact its a refreshing change from the stories that begin and end with the same characters but I would like to see more of an emotional developement when it comes to Serena. Darien is another character I wanted to discuss with you. He seems very flat at the moment. Your not really developing his character as you should, whether your doing this on purpose or you simply havent noticed, Darien is a protagonist with very little traits to be admired. This is a problem because aside from his looks and his charm I see nothing that would attract Serena or the readers to him therefore causing a bit of detatchment on the readers part. You never want that...especially with a leading character. Other than that I am very impressed with your characters and how many you have associated the story with. Most of them are very rich and very realistic in their thoughts and actions. Wow how a managed to steer so off topic I have no idea but let me answer the question a little more directly: I feel very sympathetic towards all of the characters especially Mina which for some reason I find that you favor the most, of course I may be wrong. I also feel like I can relate to the situations you place your characters in. You stay very true to reality and plausibility.
Are there any particular phrases, images or scenes that stand out and linger?
Well the Amy scenes really entertain me because they are sad but funny in a way. I might be the only one but I find I have a tendency to talk to myself in the way that Amy talks to 'Inner b***h'. Another scene I find sticks out the most is Mina's falling out with her mother. That really struck me deep. It wasn't really Irenes detachment that shook me, it was Mina's reaction. Again a great portrayal of characterization. Genious in fact. The thing that is most genious to me is how you managed to weave each character together to form a circle. Every character is related in some way to the other and you explain this without making it sound cheesy or far-fetched. An increadible feat in my opinion.
Did any aspect of the writing confuse you? Are there places where you needed more information?
Hmmmm...well let me see...oh...Amara is a character with very little information and its odd because it seems like she is going to be a big part of the novel/fic due to her affections towards Serena. I would like a little more information on her but without dragging it out...though I don't know why I added that last statement because it seems as if you can handle your chracter backrounds quite well. I love the situation with Lita and Alan.
I would also like to bring up the plot. I love that you create smaller less complicated plots to make up one main plot. I dont know if that was your intention but thats what I'm getting out of the story. Your creating diffrent plots that have somthing in common so that they make up one big plot. Please correct me if I'm wrong. So far I like it because they are complicated but not complicated to the point of confusion.
Oh and I dont know if you remember but I was the person who asked you to encorperate some kind of fight. I believed I requested a 'Cat Fight' and lets just say you fulfilled that request. THe scene with Mina and the cops was a good touch and a great twist in the story as far as character development goes. All along I was given the impression that she knew she was prostituting...that scene proved me wrong and I'm glad because I was beinging to feel hate and detachment towards Mina. Now after the 4th chapter I have begun to sympathize with her.
Well thats all the advice I have at the moment. I am now re-reading this and I notice that everything I talk about leads to characters and character development...I guess I just love rich characters! Again great story and I hope theres a new chapter out soon!
P.S. you mentioned in your author's notes that the 4th chapter was suppose to be short...ummm...I think microsoft word counted the number of pages incorrectly. If that was short I would hate to see the really long ones!
|Aglaia - Wednesday September 01, 2004 at 18:07|
This is a story that expertly weaves a multiplicity of storylines without losing the reader's interest in any of them.
You do a wonderful job with the characterization, considering how many characters you have. So far, only Alan and Greg are much different from their canon characters, but even they are interestingly portrayed. The standouts are Irene, Amara, Mina, and Ami: Irene is the perfect bored housewife, Amara is well delineated and convincing, while Mina is surprisingly believable as a tragic figure.
And Amy? I buy reclusive and shy; psychologically disturbed is not too much of a stretch in the universe you describe (especially with the deliciously naughty manifestation of the vamp); but Amy working as a mere secretary doesn't fit for me. It seems very unlikely considering the genius-level intelligence and school performance she is usually attributed with.
Darien is one of the weaker characters of the bunch. In the first few chapters, he comes off as a bit too much of a jerk, and there isn't enough shown of him in the dinner scene where he meets Serena for the contrast to be striking. Other than his looks, so far it's hard to understand why Serena would be attracted to him. Then, in ch4, he becomes jovial and teasing. His personality shifts are capricious, and I had a hard time understanding where he's coming from.
However, as a whole, I think that characterization is the greatest strength of this story.
Generally speaking, almost everything that has happened in the plot is plausible, largely because of the amount of detail you have provided. You have some very good ideas, but there are a few small elements that I felt needed tweaking:
- You need to make it clearer at beginning of ch1 that this is does not occur chronologically after what happens in the prologue.
- It would be nice if you showed the discussion between Heather and Serena with regards to lending the book in ch1; this would give the reader a better idea of both their characters, especially since Heather's is rather vague. Actually, I would like to see this whole scene expanded to include more interaction between Darien and Serena.
- Also in ch1, the reference to Lily was abrupt and unexplained.
- Darien asking Serena not to reveal the relationship with her father is not believable, even given his explanation, and especially when in ch4 they indulge in friendly teasing in full view of their co-workers.
One of my few qualms about the story is a fear that you have involved too many characters to really do justice to them all. I was surprised that you were still adding new characters in the fourth chapter, given that you already have so many characters and none of their conflicts have yet been resolved. I would like to see you focus more heavily on a handful of characters, making each one stronger, while the rest are relegated to the background. While I like the many subplots, there is unfortunately no clear MAIN plot – in other words, the reader doesn't get a sense of which is the primary focus around which the rest revolves. If, as I suspect from the summary, the main plot is of Darien and Serena, their story should take up a much larger proportion of the text than has been evident so far.
The tone is very engaging, but the strict technique rather lax.
The dialogue tends to be quite good (just be careful of ambiguous speech designations). As I mentioned before, I particularly liked the abundant use of details, especially in giving a bit (and sometimes more than a bit) of background on each character.
Technically speaking, you need to work a bit more on sentence construction. There are several awkwardly phrased sentences where you switch P.O.V.s, have pronoun ambiguity, contradict yourself, or incorrectly use verb tenses other than past. Also, watch out for your tendency to write run-on sentences.
You do a good job of juggling anger, love, angst, pride, and a host of other emotions.
Lita and Nathan's relationship is a particularly well done, showing both their intimacy and frustration perfectly. However, I get the impression that you changed the nature of Lita and Alan's relationship somewhere between ch2 and ch4… In ch2, you seem to imply that she stays with Alan for his money, that she will leave him later, and that Alan isn't aware of what's going on with Nathan.
Emotion is another strength of this story, due in large part to characterization and the amount of detail.
This story is very engaging and interesting. It's many characters and plotlines allow the reader to indulge in most of their preferences and gives even the most stale pairing a fresh look. If the story had a more unified theme, however, it would be much stronger.
I look forward to seeing where you take the readers in the following chapters,
eh, I thought it would be a nice (belated) birthday gift to give you that full fledged WISE review I've been meaning to give this story. ^^ *rolls up sleeves and cracks knuckles* Ok, here goes nothin..
My emotional response to the story-or at least for this chapter-has been one of ironic angst. I mean if you think about it, almost all the characters have some ironic situation they're currently caught up into. (Mina with the whole "prostitute" thing, Lita's weary ordeal between her dying husband and frustrated lover, Amy's paranoia, ect.) Because of that, I feel a great deal of sympathy for your characters. However at the same time, I have a sick sense of satisfaction because your story is more true to life, not everything is always “happily ever after”. It makes me wonder if you were aiming for a sense of real irony-I talking about the "damn, it really sucks to be you, irony"-to torture your characters so everything comes into focus when Darien and Serena actually hook up. Therefore, making the situations either better or worse and overall, unconsciously effecting everybody else in the process. Of course, I'm only assuming that all the other characters will be directly effected in some way, shape or form. O.o uh, I think I'm starting to confuse myself.
As for any particular scene standing out in my mind, I would definitely have to say the scene where Darien and Ken were talking on the phone with one another and both were contemplating their parental abilities-or lack thereof. It felt like a foreshadowing of something bigger. I would elaborate but I wouldn't want to contaminate your original ideas and plans for your story with my silly overactive imagination. ^.~
Also the whole scene with Mina in the police station with Andrew as a policeman. Is it just me or do you feel a spark of electricity in the air? Could it be love? friendship? infatuation? sexual frustration? The world may never know... by the way, the scene where Darien keeps his distance from Ami had me snickering for a good 15 minutes. XD
hmm, any aspect of the writing confuse me. Nothing, per say, confused me but I would love to see a couple of more scenes involving Raye, Heather, Irene and maybe even Trista. It almost seems like they've been forgotten; though, I know that you're taking your time and will eventually work your way around to them. ;) I can't imagine how hard it must be trying to fit everybody into your story and give them equal attention, their own personalities and fit them somewhere in your crazy mix of plot. *sniffs pot (of plot, that is)* ah, how I love a good complex plot.
Damn that's some good stuff!!
Overall, great chapter and good action scenes, which I was impressed by seeing as it can be very difficult to write a good, believable action scene.
Boo-ya!! Ha, I finally got around to review this baby. I've been neglecting to do so for a while now since I haven't been on the comp much. *looks back over what she wrote* There now, that should satisfy your review addiction until you can get your next fix. Hopefully. ^.~ This long review is my belated b-day present to you, babe. Hope you had a good one and keep on writing those chapters now, ya' here!
|arashi - Saturday August 28, 2004 at 01:47|
It's a really good story. I found the main plot very original; I've never wondered how one relationship affects everyone around the couple.
The best thing about your story is that you have strong characters. You built (for lack of a better word) them very well, and the relationships are fascinating.
I specially like two of the characters: Amy and Mina. I've never seen Amy so bitter, and surprisingly, I liked it. I think that's what would have happened to her in the series if Serena and the girls had not come to her life. And Mina... she's the best character, in my humble opinion. I'm curious to see how you're gonna handle her. I also liked the atmosphere of the story, so dark, so adult. More like 'real world'.
Continue your good work, I'm anxious to know what happens next!
|BabEe_m - Friday August 20, 2004 at 20:44|
this is an interesting story, i really hope you update soon!
Yet another great chapter from you, I was very happy to see that it was up! I just love your writing style, your attention to detail and dialogue. It shows that you spend a lot of time and effort making sure that you have something to share to the readers that is something wonderful and well thought out! I just loved the scene with Ami and Darien and her Inner B***c nursing on his earlobe, I about fell out of my chair laughing.
I don't mind how long the chapters are, just as long as there are chapters for me to read. You just keep up the wonderful work with this story, and I will be here to read and enjoy! See you at the next chapter. :)
|Critika - Thursday August 12, 2004 at 04:22|
Wow! I was glued to the screen until I read the end of chapter four. I'm glad to see Mina leave her old life and I think the way you described her relationship with her parents was great. Can't wait to read more!
|MG - Wednesday August 11, 2004 at 03:27|
Wow..CR...that is...wow...I didn't even now that people that sick existed. You really have me feeling it for Mina. Its really sad to see how young women can be taken so easily when they want to do nothing but succeed. As always your chapter has me spellbound. I am not sure where its going but I don't even care because I feel like I'm with you every step of the way and i just want you to lead me. Youre doing really well with the way in which you express the 3-dimentional feelsings, minds, and souls of all the characters. Keep the words coming...
|Kon - Monday August 09, 2004 at 01:23|
(Ish trying to stick with her WISE commitment ^^) Wow! I have been following this story as it's progressed, and I must say you have my interest. Your depictions of the characters is near-perfect, and your plot is quite intriquing. I'm wondering where you're going to go with this...^^ The one thing that could probably use a little work is Amy's Personality. While 'Tammy' is a cute semi-light hearted idea to throw in, Amy is a little too 'uptight' (can't think of the perfect word) in this story. While Amy was always meek and dedicated, in your story she seems more ...bleh I can't think of how to word it, screw it. *shrugs* I tried. *rubs the back of her head embarrassedly* I love your story though, and your writing style and level of writing skill just increase my interest. ^^ I don't know Heather is going to fit in, maybe a child that dies later for sadness effect or something...but I'm curious to see how it will all turn out. As ladysolo said, this is the most origenal plot I've seen in a LOONG while, and I would like to throw roses at you and cheer for an encore because of it. Write more soon! ^.^
You done it again CR this is a great story and it covers alot of things that could occur in life at one point. Keep the chapters coming!! :)
|Sabra - Sunday August 08, 2004 at 22:40|
This story really touched me. It brought tears to my eyes. You look at the aspects of all sides of lives, and really dig deep when you're developing the characters.
This story has immense potential, and though I'm reviewing a little late in the game, I really have enjoyed it, and I cna't wait to see more come out soon.
|Lucilla - Sunday August 08, 2004 at 21:44|
This chapter was great. I'm really enjoying the links between all the characters. I'm so intrigued everytime you mention how all the characters are linked to Serena and Darien somehow. I was just wondering if you have watched the movie "Six Degrees of Separation" starring Will Smith and Ian McKellen or if it inspired you in any way? Don't take that question the wrong way because I don't want to offend you, especially since I'm not saying that this story is a copy of that movie or anything because it's not really similar aside from the fact that everyone is linked, I was merely curious.
I only found one real error in this chapter. In the conversation between Amy and "Tammy", there is a part where you are talking about Molly and Amy replies:
"Not bloody likely, Molly replied, her expression darkening at the thought of kowtowing to Molly."
However, instead of writing that Amy was the person who responded you wrote that Molly was talking. It was a small error, but I thought I'd let you know.
“This is LA—we invented police brutality.”
That right there is my fave line, made me laugh for hours lol. Chapter 4 is my favourite chapter so far, relationships are being shown through a new light and the connection of the character's are being seen. Throwing in Andrew should be very interesting, I love his character and I'm interested in his relationship with Mina.
Amazing work CR, I really hope to see more! Just one thing though, I would like to know what happened to Alan's mistress. It seemed like they had a real relationship but after he got diagnosed nothing became of her. As well, I would like to see more of Raye's character being connected, I think her role has more potential. Well that's all here, I definitely enjoyed this chapter.
I was definitly floored by this chapter! I feel that it's the best chapter in this story yet. I heart really goes out to mina and her ordeal. I'm hoping that something good does come from this little problem. like wiht andrew... maybe... then with amara and serena... very interesting...i like how that is working out, also with the flirting between Darien and Serena.
The end really blew me away. I'm glad this ended the way you have it. I felt like crying for mina because i felt so bad for her. She really just wanted to be an actress and couldn't see a better way to it.
CR, your an amazing writer and i can't wait to see more. The only thing i would want is either longer chapters or updated more often.... i'll let you decided!
Hehe, messed up the html didn't I? >.< It's 3:39 am... you knew what I meant. Plus I forgot to rate it with the last review, so this one wasn't totally wasted. ^^
I love the way you haven't rushed this story, and how we slowly see the tangled web of all the different character's lives comes together.
ON TO THE QUESTIONS:
[b]What was your emotional response to this story thus far?[/b] Man, my hand was at my mouth about every other paragraph. Once they told Mina she was (won't write a spoiler) the wheels started turning and I was like "No no NO NO!!!!!! CRAP!!" Haha All in all I feel very connected to the characters, I love how you've given the reader all the view points, leting us see what they (the characters) do not about each other. I certainly care very much about every character I've met so far.
[b]Are there any particular phrases, images or scenes that stand out and linger?[/b]
Well of course the last line of the story, I it think would be imprinted on anyone were they to have that said to them. Other than that the whole scene with Amy and... well, actually just Amy, sticks out in my mind. I stand by Darien on the "step back slowly and smile" feeling. Actually, come to think of it, when I go over every scene in the chapter I can picture it clearly in my head.
[b]Did any aspect of the writing confuse you? Are there places where you needed more information?[/b] Having just seen "The Village", nothing else confuses me anymore. But seriously, I couldn't find any holes in the plot. I don't feel as though you've given out any less or more information than you've meant to give. I am wondering, of course, just HOW all the characters will be effected by Darien and Serena's relationship directly, and how it will be 'in spite' of Serena's father as your summery promises. But all in due time I suppose!
One mistake I caught was you have a sentace Amy says, but you quote it to Molly. "Amy's line here" Molly said, thinking of Molly. Just after Darien tells her he'll have Molly do it. But no big!
I would like to see the importance I feel weighted on the other characters on Darien and Serena, not just because I'm a D&S fanatic either. Maybe you are being careful not to spend too much time on them, bad your summery leads one to believe that they are the main focus of the story. However take this w/ a grain of salt as I also love the pace at which you taking this as I said before. And, of course, I don't have all the rest cooked or even the ingredients of it in my head as you have... I'm guessing ^^
Other than that, I hope you are happy that I am settleing for only four hours of sleep because I saw your silly title on the silly little menu bar and I HAAAD to read it. You know, to have something to calm me down and stop seeing red cloaked beings from "The Village" fluttering about my room.
I love this, and have loved it from the moment I read the last paragraph of the first chapter to now, and will love all the many FREQUENT (you call this short???) updates to come.
In other words: OmG YoU hAvE tO wRiTe MoRe SoOoOoOoOoOoOn!!!
|Lucilla - Thursday June 24, 2004 at 04:11|
This story is very original and I thoroughly enjoy the plot so far. The different relationships that you have formed between the main characters are intricate so it keeps the readers guessing because there are many different ways that you can take each relationship. I am intrigued by how you will increase Greg's role in this story whilst maintaining a smooth flow to the entire plot; however, I am sure that you will have no problem in doing so. I'm glad that you give great attention to detail (I can tell because of your amazing subplots). As usual, the vocabulary that you have chosen as well as your grammar is impressive, but that is what I have come to expect from all of your stories (though I am sure that is partially thanks to your talented editor Lady Solo).
I cannot wait to read the next chapter to see what happens next!
- Lucilla Tinwetari
|Raye73 - Sunday June 20, 2004 at 05:21|
I liked it and i want to see how Serena and Dariens relationship progresses. It does have alot of ather stuff in it but it needs more of Serena and Darien. Good Work
|ChibiJ - Friday June 18, 2004 at 04:00|
Sorry I took a while to get to read and review this new and wonderful (as always) chapter, but I knew that I would have to reread (more like skim every other line) the past chapters to get on track. And I wanted to make sure I had the proper time to devote to this glorious piece of work.
And, I must first say, in regards to this chapter, poor Greg. Then, on another note, I love how this story is going with the "Six Degrees of Seperation" and how everyone is connected to everyone and how it will all come together in some twisted CR fashion.
I need to ask, is Lita's husband anyone special? Has he been mentioned and I don't realize who he is? And what about the college kid hitting on Ilene? And will this end up a bunch of twenty somethings hooking up with their baby boomer partners? (Serena/Darien, Amara/Michelle) Do I suddenly sound like the announcer at the end of a cheesy soap opera cliffhanger?
Well, as always, I anxiously await more!
|kasumi - Saturday June 05, 2004 at 23:43|
Wow, this is so interesting. Normally, the storyline is focused solely on Darien and Serena, but yours is so down-to-earth and covers all the bases! I enjoyed reading this chapter a lot. The pacing seems a little too slow, but if you've got it all planned out, then it's fine. :o)
Please don't tell me you really feel that way about the Matrix!!
Excellent story. I love how different the characters personalities are. It's quite unique.
|nika1107 - Thursday June 03, 2004 at 01:04|
oi, another chapter from CR! what more can i say? it's as polished as the other chapters, we have a great writer and a great editor as well! i'll just wait here 'til you write the next chapter, yea? ^^ great job!
What can I honestly say that hasn't already been said? The story is orginal, the grammar descriptive and wonderfully written; the character development beautifully portrayed. You're one of the only authors that has the skills to pull off such an intricate plot line and I applaud you for that. XD
Makes me think that there is still hope out there for the SM fanfic world with authors like you. *wistful sigh* Keep up the great work!
i can't wait for more. THis story just keeps getting better and better. I can't wait to read how everyone ties together! you need to write more! PLEASE!
I love reading this story! Please keep writing this, I really want to continue the reading about the lives of the characters. I love the interaction between the characters, I really love Ami and her "inner b****" Thanks for writing this, and I hope to see more soon!
|RENA630 - Monday January 05, 2004 at 07:09|
I cant believe I hadn't read this yet! Then again you cant blame me!!! Blame my ancient computer for my lack of reading! Well CR I gotta hand it to ya you know how to write! Well I was just wondering...if this is called six degrees why are there more than six main characters? Or why does it seem like theres more than 6 main characters? Is it for suspense? Why am I questioning your abilities? Ok I'll stop now before you bonk me over the head. Anyways I am enjoying myself greatly! Oh and can I make a suggestion? Ok well I would like to see some good cat fights in this story you know the ones that make the reader wanna bite the enemys heads off? Yea that! ANywayz now for the suffisticated praises and critisism:
Well CR I loved the way that you didn't just focus on two characters ( Serena and Darien ) but on a whole range of characters. Also the way you bring your characters to life is completely amazing...they seem so realistic! I'm also seeing alot of Serena, Mina, and Irene but what about Ken? I mean you might as well add him in since you added the rest in...I think it would be quite intresting to have the WHOLE family doing or thinking scandelous or rebellious things it would add to the suspension and the intrest of the story...It would also help spice it up you know? Well those are just my comments! I hope you update fairly soon because I truely love your work!
Story line = Creative
Language = Professional
Characters = Three Dimensional
Originality = Thumbs Up
Crystal_Rose = U Rock!
Please up date soon
|Serafina - Sunday November 23, 2003 at 07:00|
Wow...and wow, again. This is really incredible. I love
the entire originality of the plot and the far from cliche
character development. Its gives it a change of pace.
Everyone has real-world personalities -as much as you can in a romance. Darien is aged but still handsome, Raye is fiery with a touch of rocker, it seems, Mina is....Mina and there are new character.
2 thumbs up. I'll be watching... 'O_O' *grin*
I've read your story, and so far I've found only one problem....you're not done with it yet! First you captured my interest with Wounded Souls and now with this masterpiece. You've gained a loyal fan here and I hope to read more of your work as soon as it's made available.
|lexie - Monday October 27, 2003 at 15:44|
Update please. I love this story. I need to know what is going to happen to all the characters in this story. Please update soon
Wow, I never thought that we would se Mina in that light in this story, I kind of pity her ya know? All she wants is to be in a movie and to even get an audition she has to do all that, I feel really bad for her. So how's Irene going to do with going back to school? I'm looking forward to the next chappie.
Oh I finally got to sit back and read this!!! And all I'm doing is picturing Richard Gere...ROWR!!!! *fans herself* and John Cusack (not old...but give a girl a little credit!) Woo...and I'm spent.
Another great chapter, CR! =) I'm curious to see how all these lives are connected to Serena and Darien. You're doing a good job of keeping us all in suspense. I can't see the connection just yet. Come out with a new chapter soon.
|ivory - Saturday October 04, 2003 at 17:50|
Wow... nice :o) I would give you suggestions if I could, but the story seems perfect to me. I love the way you give the characters so much dimension. By that I mean, they're not all young, flawless girls in the perfect love story where nothing really bad could possibly happen. They're true to life people with raw personalities, which only makes the story more intriguing. Can't wait for the next development.
|Sere-chan - Saturday October 04, 2003 at 06:56|
MORE!! MORE!! MORE!! last time i read this it was only a teaser and now ... I wish i knew when it turned into an actual story!!! keep up the good work and hurry up with more!!!
Wow, you really know how to keep us hopping and wanting more! This was a fab chapter and you're such an amazing author CR! *glares enviously* lol. No, you deserve it! This is magnificent work and extremely well written! All the thumbs in the world up!!
Waiting *impatiently* for more
|ChibiJ - Saturday October 04, 2003 at 01:41|
*dances around giddy-ly* woo-hoo! another chapter! yea-haw!
um...excellent as always?? another sure fire winner of a chapter?? you make me want to waste my life away pinning for you??
|nika1107 - Friday October 03, 2003 at 23:54|
man... i really must be in heaven right now...really... i just read ladysolo's merletto II and now this??? (hmm... sure it's heaven? or the other one down there??? 0_o ) heheh... anyways... once again, your exquisite plot and stunning lingo had drawn me in to your story... haha... i think i connect more to amy... and her inner... uh... female puppy i guess... hahaha... that is soooooo... sort of kinda like me... and your lingo in general... it's just provides me great imagery of the story... in other words... i like it a lot... =P keep up the great great work! can't wait 'till you have lots and lots of free time so that you can work on this story and upload another new chapter... yea... and shtuff... hehe...
Inner b***h? Did you take that test too? ^^;; I must say CR, you've once again amazed me with your writing abilities as well as LS's editing talents. I've never heard of this "Six Degrees theory" before, and am overly curious as to what it is has to do with the lives of (so far mentioned) Lita, Nate, Greg, Ami, Rei, Mina, Darien, and Serena; seeing as how you've went through how their everyday lives are (were). Mina, Mina, Mina, you know I don't want to call her a slut, but what can you say about her, giving blowjobs to one of the producers to get in, come on! That is just gah! Anyways, I love how you protrayed her, for once it's not Rei being the b***h but rather Mina. And Ami, poor Ami, she needs to clean out those cobwebs stuck permentately in her ears, they weren't even talking about her. At first it seemed as if they were but then I finished reading the last part and said "Holy s**t, they weren't even talking about you." The inner b***h thing makes me laugh. I would have never guessed Ami to have red painted nails, let alone putting on scandalous clothing. I have so many questions tho, I'm very confused as to how this May-December romance that is carried on by Dare and Sere has anything to do with these ppl's lives, maybe Rei and Mina, but Lita, Ami, Greg, ect? I'm now left in the dark. But I'm getting way ahead of myself. Your dialogue, and extensive use of words and your knowledge is fabulous. The plotline is refreshingly new, I have never seen or read a story that had this type of content in it. I have one request tho, I want to read about Darien and Serena, but alas, you have to talk about these ppl too, not that I mind. Their lives seem to be pretty interesting, I'm wondering if Lita's hubby will find out about her affair? And who is he, Ken maybe? Oh well, please update and take your time, don't rush and hopefully we can read much more of this fabulous piece of writing! Bye bye! ^^;;
|niya429 - Friday October 03, 2003 at 04:39|
Aw Damn! You actually got me feeling sorry for Mina....why! I was really enjoying not liking her and you had to ruin it all with that sentimental paragraph. *pouts* But, all in all, the chappie was really good. I like that whole inner b***h thing *laughs* I'ma use that in the future. hee hee
I love the new chapter! i can't wait to read more! MORE MORE MORE please!
|Ariel - Friday October 03, 2003 at 03:50|
Ok. For the firts time in my life(yey right) I'll try and give a mature, constructive review concerning my though on your latest chapter and also on the hole storie line in general.
hum...now that this is said, there is just one more thing to add
PLEASE!!!!! update soon!I can't wait to read more!!!
It was short, but I can understand that you're busy. ^^
Anyways, this chapter was wonderful, even without Darien and Serena.
^^ Please continue.
|niya429 - Saturday September 27, 2003 at 22:14|
Hey! I liked this....I'm really serious. This just might be the fic to get me out of this SM funk I'vd been in for over a year now. Yep, no SM fics, only Harry Potter. Can't wait to see what happens next!
|lexie - Saturday September 27, 2003 at 20:35|
Yes you finally updated. I can't wait to find out how Serena and Darien's first started out. The first kiss and some. Please update soon.
*crosses another fanfic off her list*
I must say that your writing is absolutely magnificent here, CR! The theory about six degrees is something I never heard of, but it was an intriguing idea to use it in a story.
It's the first time I've seen Darien as a 45 year old man, but he can still be sexy at that age. *winks* I really can't wait to see how the rest of the story plays out, especially their secret love affair.
I find this plot very original and how you implement the 'six degrees of separation' theory seems very intruiging. Please continue because I love it so far and I see how LS says it would live up to Wounded Souls (if not more).
Wonderfully done! I hoped you would go back and tell us a little about how Darien and Serena met, I thought it was way too fast, but a good start. I think you potrayed Mina well too- coniving slut! I laughed so hard at what she does, and thank god you made Serena into a beautiful, SMART, person. I hate it when she's clumsy! Again wonderfully done, and ladysolo: beautifully edited!
|selenis - Tuesday August 05, 2003 at 22:40|
*snickers* May-December romance, eh? Very, very interesting... keep the chappies coming!!! :D
|ivory - Tuesday August 05, 2003 at 20:01|
I definitely noticed the brevity. The writing style is awesome, by the way. It keeps me interested, providing enough detail for imagination, but not so much that it becomes a chore to read through all of it. I hardly took my eyes off the screen in the duration of time I spent reading this chapter.
And hey, if it's fun writing for you, then by all means, please write more! :o)
See you next time...
AMAZING! You've got a beautiful style of writing that flows and really demonstrates your talent as a writer. This story has an element that most fanfics don't have, and it's refreshing. I'm so glad that Darien and Serena don't fall over each other from the minute they meet. Good Job. I can't wait to read the rest! ^_^
|ChibiJ - Tuesday August 05, 2003 at 15:31|
*smiles* I'm a little sad that I couldn't do the play-by-play read to this chapter, but I loved it all the same! CR, I really like the style of writing in this. I agree, it is a lot different than WS, but that it is wonderful that you can write in different styles.
I can't wait to see more of this...I'm glad you're having fun writing it!
Mina is such a s*** in this story, anyways, I really enjoyed this story, AND UPDATE SOON!!!! get my point? *points at hammer*
i like alot.i was woundering when u were going to start another story cause you finished *wounded souls*i think this story is gonna be really good so keep up the good work!!
More, More, More. Tihs is a great story! i cna't wait to read more into it. Your doing a great job with this one. And it's a good turn from writing wounded souls. Please write more soon.
|cel1999 - Tuesday August 05, 2003 at 05:25|
I'm fascinated by how you jarr the reader with a new appreciation for the details and the characters of the story with your abrupt "in-your-face" writing style. The story line is very interesting, and I can't wait to see how the drama is going to unfold.
This is a beautiful piece and has a level of intrigue that "Wounded Souls" doesn't. The makings of a real thriller are here - the kind that keep the reader glued to the story from page 1. I can't wait for your next chapter!
|Ariel - Tuesday August 05, 2003 at 05:04|
Fantastic!!! I can't wait to read more of this!!!
this set us at the beginning,
I wonder what would be everyone reactions
|Teffers - Tuesday August 05, 2003 at 04:28|
It's intriguing, that's for sure. I really hope you continue it just so that I'll find out what happens!
Hope to see more soon.
This story is so interesting! I can't wait to find out what happens next! You're a great writer! Keep up the fab work!
Wow! I'm intrigued and amazed and dumbstruck, all at the same time...imagine that! haha. I noticed this was the only teaser on the top stories list, so I decided to check it out, and I'm glad! This is going to great, I can tell, but I don't think I need to tell you that.
I love the six degrees of separation idea. The title really drew me in. It was a little more mature...aloof but in a good way. It leaves you wanting more. I really think one of the marks of a good author is being able to write romantically without centering every theme and idea around love.
Hehe, I'm astonished. I can't wait until you actually get around to writing this, and most of all...I can't wait to see how you're going to pull this off! I must admit, as a writer, I would shy away from something as complex as this, but after reading Wounded Souls, I don't doubt your abilities at all! You truly are a great writer, and I applaud you ^_^