Author: goddessalthena

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon. Woe is me.

Revised: July 19, 2012

Prologue

The autumn air was mild and calm, a still reprieve before the harsh chill winter would bring to the small town of New Canaan, Connecticut. A soft breeze traveled through the air, rustling the multi-coloured leaves. The sun had left its place in the sky hours before, surrendering to a full moon.

The sky was clear, allowing the moon to illuminate at will. Touched by its delicate glow was a parked car. Inside two teenagers were ending their night together, albeit with differing intentions.

"Now Holden, it's been a lovely night, let's not ruin it."

"Ruin it? Doll, this can only make the night better." He began to paw at the front of her blouse.

"No, please, not tonight," she tried to guide his hands away but he was persistent.

He set about angling her into a more accessible position. "Tonight's as good a night as any."

"Holden please, you know how I feel about this."

"I'm just trying to show you how I feel." A button came undone.

Serena shoved him off then, irritated that he'd forced her to do so. She could sense his eyes on her as she refastened her blouse. She didn't care to meet his gaze, she was too mad. Instead, she focused on tucking her blouse back into her skirt and tugged her hem back down over her knees. She noticed a run in one of her stockings and she let out a low curse under her breath. Great, now her stockings were ruined as well as her evening. She had to remind herself that a run in her stockings wasn't the end of the world. The rationing was over and she could buy as many pairs of stockings as she liked. She shot a sidelong glance at Holden. If only respectful boyfriends were so easy to come by.

He was still watching her but he'd had the presence of mind to remain silent while she composed herself. She didn't feel like talking about this tonight. Again. Instead, she turned her gaze to the windshield, and fixed her eyes on the twisted branches of an old white oak tree. "Take me home please, Holden." Years of ingrained etiquette kept her phrasing polite. Apparently she was the only one who had remembered her manners tonight.

Holden released a deep sigh and she saw him run a hand through his hair in her peripheral vision. It was a habit of his that she had grown accustomed to. Something he did when he was anxious, or frustrated. He'd been doing it a lot lately. The corners of her mouth twitched as she mused that he must be going through a lot of Brylcreem.

"Is there something amusing about this to you?"

His tone was snide enough to transform her near smirk into a full-on scowl. She jerked her head to the left and met his dark eyes without hesitation. They stared each other down a few moments. "No Holden," she bit out, her tone acidic, "I don't find anything about this the least bit amusing."

The irritation faded from his expression and morphed into something akin to despair. "What is it Serena?" he asked her, his voice softer. "Every time I try to get close to you…"

She didn't want to look at his soft, pleading eyes. He reminded her of a sad puppy dog. She was angry and she would stay that way. She wouldn't let him wheedle his way back into her good graces again. She turned her eyes back on the old oak and busied her hands in her lap, playing with the folds of her soft cotton skirt. "We've been over this before Holden."

"I don't understand," he started and she could tell he was still frustrated. "What are you waiting for? We've been going steady for almost a year now."

God, she didn't want to get into this again, why wouldn't he just relent and drive her home? Just the thought of having to delve into this subject exhausted her. She kept her gaze facing forward and crossed her arms over her chest. Anyone with a lick of sense would take one look at her tight lipped scowl and hostile body language and know to leave well enough alone. She sensed that his eyes remained on her, adamant and piercing. It was evident that Holden was as lacking in sense as he was in manners. "Look," she relented, but her tone was clipped and strained, "I'm not ready for that. You know there are expectations…I want to wait. If you care about me, you'll respect that."

Holden wasn't pacified. "What is it you're waiting for?"

She began counting leaves in an effort to distract herself from her rising temper.

One…two…three. Her brows furrowed in concentration. Why was he forcing her to have this conversation?

Nine…ten…eleven. Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone?

Eighteen…nineteen…twenty. "I'm waiting for it to feel right."

"Well, when will that be?"

Thirty-five…thirty-six…thirty-seven.

"Give me a date, why don't you? I'll mark it on the calendar."

Her right hand itched to slap him. "That's not funny."

"No," he sighed, "it's not. I'm sorry."

There was another pause and Serena gave up on the leaves. She'd lost count anyway. She heard Holden shift around and then felt his hands on her; one under her chin, turning her face to his, the other clasped her left hand. She swallowed the urge to pull away and forced herself to meet his eyes. The shift in her reactions to him unsettled her and she filed those thoughts away for further examination later. "I just want to be with you Serena." She could hear the sincerity in his words. "Don't you…" he paused and she sensed he was fumbling for the right words. "Don't you want to be with me?"

"I am with you." It was an evasion and they both knew it.

"That's not what I meant."

"Oh, I know what you meant." She rolled her eyes as she placed particular emphasis on the last word.

His fingers tightened on her chin, grabbing her attention and his eyes were intent. "No, I don't think you do." His words rattled her and she pulled her chin from his grasp to put some distance between them. He ran an unsteady hand through his now unruly hair once more. "Of course I want you Serena. Of course I want to hold you, feel you against me…know that you're mine and mine alone. God, you drive me crazy." She flushed at the intensity of his speech. "But that's not it. I want to be with you. I know that. So it doesn't matter to me whether you wear that white dress before or after. I know it's right, expectations be damned."

Her stomach twisted and her heart felt like it had jumped into her throat. White dress? God, did he mean what she thought he meant? She tried swallowing to ease the tightness in her throat but found her mouth was dry. Her stomach roiled and her heartbeat was erratic. She squeezed her eyes shut and fought back against the tide of panic roiling through her.

"I love you Serena."

Wasn't this the dream? Every girl's deepest, truest fantasy? Hearing declarations of love? Then why did Serena feel like she was having an anxiety attack? Those words were out there now and they had such enormity she felt like they were filling all the empty space in the car. Maybe if she just stepped outside for a minute, she'd feel better; get these wild reactions under control.

She was ready to make her escape when he said her name. He sounded so uncertain, her heart clenched and she forced her eyes from the door handle. What could she say to him? She knew what he wanted to hear. Three little words. Did she want to say them? She could hardly even think them, let alone utter them out load. Right now what she needed was some space. Some time to think. This car was stifling. She tried to think of a tactful way out of the moment.

"This is…this is a lot Holden. I'm not sure, that is, I mean…it's been a long day and I think maybe…" God, she was making a mess of this. She couldn't meet his eyes, but she could imagine how they looked. "I think maybe you should just take me home for the night."

He was silent, they both were; she wasn't sure how long the silence lasted.

"Not exactly the response I was expecting."

No, she supposed it wasn't. And now she could add guilt to the confusing swirl of emotions churning inside her. "I'm sorry Holden, I think I'm just…overwhelmed. We had a nice night and then you had to paw at me, even though…"she sighed. "I'm angry and you're talking about white dresses and telling me you love me. It's just too much. I need time to process it."

"Is that all you need? Time?"

She didn't trust herself to answer him.

He waited a while, but she held her silence. This time he raked both hands through his hair as he shifted back behind the wheel. He turned the key in the ignition and the car engine came to life. Serena noted that he placed both hands on the steering wheel, unusual for him. It was dark but she thought maybe he was gripping the wheel a little tighter than necessary.

"I'll take you home. It's late and I'm certainly not in the mood to have your father out after me tonight; I've had enough of a beating."

My cheeks suffuse with rosy hues

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