Arias Ink - Information about Sailor

Losing Her, Finding Me
Reviewed by Loki - Friday October 01, 2004 at 06:32

I felt it was a wonderful little story. As short as it was I felt the emotional currents as if they were my own. You've got a good knack of hooking the reader. What's more, your narrative style is pretty god for a first time - second effort. The only flaws were typos and an occasional double-use of terms like, 'hold' I would advise you to try and find other words that mean the same thing, or add a phrase that supports and complliments the first usage of the noun-verb etc, but over-all I thought it fantastic. The icing on the cake for me was the scene where she says goodbye to her best friend-family and the part where she passes the letter to her father & reconciliation that brought a tear to the eye. I know you're going to be a success as a writer, just work on polishing up your basics & get yourself a BETA reader and then set the world ablaze! Good luch & *glomps* L.

Losing Her, Finding Me
Reviewed by crystal_rose - Friday September 10, 2004 at 17:08

Very well written story, sailor_chick. You make this story sound so personal without delving into sappiness or angsty self-reflection. The grammar and spelling are right on the money; if you self-edited, you did a very good job of it. Your writing style has improved so much and I'm glad that you decided to participate in this challenge.

To be honest, from the description of the photograph of the girl and her mother, I thought this story would be about their relationship with each other. I felt kind of confused when the focus shifted to her relationship with her father because there was no warning of it, no object like the photograph that would indicate that *he* was the one she was at odds with, not her mother. I kept waiting for the conflict between her and the mother to arise, and when it didn't, I felt kind of let down because I'd been expecting it from the clues you were giving. I think the foreshadowing was placed on the wrong person and object; since the mother's role ended up being so minor, mentioning the picture of the two of them together, while necessary to the story, lacked development and follow-through. Foreshadowing her troubles with her dad the same way you did with her mom would've beefed up this story, but it's good as it is too. On the whole, you did a great job with this story and I enjoyed reading it. :)